Sunday, December 30, 2007
I AM JESUS.
That's it. Simple. To the point.
Her grandmother, nervously chuckled and tried to let it pass. But people where looking at her strangely, so she said the only thing she could. "I never thought I'd be the grandmother of our saviour." HA, ha, ummm.
LOL. Bella didn't make any other announcements or didn't elaborate on WHY she thought she was Jesus. But it was enough.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Sunday, December 16, 2007
The dog is loving it though. He's a big puppy, ten months and huge as a house already, Murphy is jumping, and rolling and just having a blast playing in it. Nitro, not so much. He runs out, does his business and runs back to the house. "I'm cold, open the door, let me in. IT'S COLD OUT HERE PEOPLE!" While Murphy is jumping off snow banks. "COME PLAY WITH ME. THIS IS AWESOME! WATCH MEEEEEE!"
Thursday, December 13, 2007
It begins with a guy trying to protect a princess like girl. She is sleeping in a room. He looks out the window and sees a gnome rising from a hole/pit in the ground. The guy takes one of the two short swords he is wearing, maybe a foot long out of its sheath, recites something about keeping and protecting the girl and lays it in the doorway of the room.
He then goes to fight the gnome. In the first dream he felt bad, this rising gnome.
But today, once he was inside the building and coming for the guy I wasn't sure if he was evil or not. The guy was prepared to do battle or whatever, but then in the dream I saw that he was suddenly out of his body and standing next to the gnome. The gnome was talking gently to the guys body saying. "Wake up Andrew. Wake up Andrew, today isn't a good day to die. Wake up!" Then Andrew traveled back into his body and awoke. I then knew the name of the gnome. It is Maplewine. And he is there to help Andrew fight someone even more evil coming.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
I'm so tired of living like I'm being held hostage. Always walking on egg shells. Just wanted to say Merry Christmas and I hope you all have a wonderful New Year if I don't talk to any of you.
Tomorrow morning my phone/cable/Internet gets shut off because he won't pay it. So, no TV of any kind, we don't have an outside antenna. My cars transmission went out, so I don't even have a car until he comes home from work. So I have to depend on his mood if I need to go anyplace. I hate this. I've never had to rely on other people. I hate it.
He's now in the living room, screaming, and throwing things, because he's a bully. This bill and the box of others have been in the TO PAY box for over a month. I pay half my paycheck each week out for doctor bills, insurance, what have you. But still it's my fault in some way that he has no money. Each week, his check is a day short or he says. He leaves here each morning at the same time, comes home at the same time, yet they short him all the time. BULLSHIT!
I don't know where he goes or with whom, but it's not to work evidently. The landlord needs her money. Behind two months. How the hell is this possible? he makes good money, yet we have nothing. Christmas is in two weeks. Yeah, that's gonna be festive.
I'm just so tired of it all. So, I'll check in when I can. I'm going to Jodie's on Friday, god willing and the creek don't rise. So, I'll read your blogs then.
Love you guys.
I left for awhile and when I came home at around nine...he had written a check for the phone/cable/internet bill. If he had the money, why didn't he just pay it earlier instead of screaming and breaking things? I don't get it. I did a phone payment at no charge so its paid.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Monday, December 03, 2007
Some years I have just loved my tree. Others, not so much. And a few ... well, lets just say I couldn't wait to throw them out into the yard.
Some years I reveled in the glorious thing which was the tree. Twenty strands of lights, and every inch of space taken up by ornaments, garland and tinsel. The angel on top beaming out at me. Every space had to have something. Some years it was sesame street. Others, pink and white teddy bears. Yet others, all red, or blue or silver. But my favorite will always be the multi colored explosions of color with every thing including the kitchen sink added to it. And hell, if the lights blinked I was in a state of euphoria.
Then there were the years when I just wanted it over with already. The lights were wrong, I hated the color schemes and besides, could NO ONE else in this insane family not see that every space was not taken up? the lights were uneven and that angel, she wasn't smiling, she was smirking at me.Every time I looked up at her, I just knew what she was thinking. "This is the ugliest tree that ever was. It's uneven, the lights are knockoffs and those dime store ornaments should never have seen the light of day. Yet, here they are on your PERFECT tree." Little Bitch, she deserved a stick up her back side for giving me those nasty looks and making those comments. Who did she think she was? and hell, she came from Wal-mart, how snooty could she have really been?
Then there was the year we had the charlie brown Christmas tree. It didn't start out that way. Nope. It came from a large chain of hardware stores. Handy Andy I believe. Anyhow. It was already tied up, so you only could see how tall it was. The green color was beautiful. It appeared healthy and robust. A friend and I both bought one of those magnificent trees. We lugged them home in her truck and light good new wives. We set it up out on the porch in the bucket of sugar water to let it...settle. The following day. It was lugged into the house. My husband cut the base and fit it into the stand. I lovingly filled it with water and a tablespoon of sugar to keep it looking alive and green.
The next day the phone rang. My friend who had the brother of my tree was calling to ask If I had noticed anything, um, different about my tree. No, I told her, I hadn't. What could be wrong with my beautiful green tree. She began to laugh and told me to go and look closer. To look at the trunk. In fact I should look at the trunk all the way to the tip. What color was mine?
"What color is mine? aren't tree trunks brown?" I asked in my new farm wife innocence.
"Just go look and tell me what you see." I went over to the tree, got down and looked at my tree trunk. Green. I looked higher. Still green. What could this mean? She was laughing so hard I could hardly understand what she was telling me.
Our beautiful healthy, fresh cut trees, where so old, they had been spray painted green. Within days, the branches were drooping, needles were dropping at an alarming rate and the entire thing began to look like a fire hazard. By Christmas, my wonderful tree made Charlie Browns little branch of a tree look like the one in New York's Rockefeller Center.
Poor, sad little dead tree, lost it's branches when I tried to move it outside. It was bare and twig like by the time it went over the side of my front porch. That was the year I think I was still finding needles in April. Sneaky things that they are.
My love/hate relationship will continue for awhile longer I'm guessing. Next year I want a red one. Or a pink one. Something different and crazy. I like crazy. Why not a pink painted tree, I've already had one sprayed painted green. Not much difference if you ask me.
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
WHY DO THE MIDDLE STRAND OF LIGHTS ALWAYS HAVE TO GO OUT ON THE TREE?
No, not the top one, nor the bottom one. ALWAYS the damn middle one. I refuse to try and track down the broke or loose bulb, I just throw another strand over the old dead one.
Soon, there will be fifteen strands overlapping each other....then it will be time to throw out the tree and start anew.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
So, here we go.
1. I am thankful for my kids. All three of them. Most of the time, maybe two and three Fourths of them. But I do love them all. (don't listen to that oldest one. She's always had a stick up her butt.) lol.
2. I'm thankful for Jodie. She is my sister soul mate. I only had one brother and no other siblings. So, she is the sister I never had. If she had been my bio sister, we probably wouldn't get along as well. I'm thankful for meeting her all those years ago.
3. I'm thankful for my job. And most of the people I work with. Out of two hundred, I maybe don't get along with two of them. Not bad odds actually.
4. I am thankful for my quirkiness. All my little and not so little eccentricities. I know I'm nuts, but you guys love me anyhow. See, I am thankful for that too.
5. I am thankful for my spirit guides who put up with sooo much crap from me. I don't know why they haven't flown the coop long ago. Thank you guys for sticking around. You know I'm grateful for all your help.
6. And I'm so thankful for all you guys. Who knew you could make friends and meet people online, all those years ago when I bought my first computer and made my way to different places.
7. I am thankful for Hanson. My dogs, my cats. My life.
I truly am thankful for my being who I am. I like me. I do. And I like all you guys too.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Haven't talked in ages.
Have you gotten into the spirit of the season?
What season? depends on how you look at it.
It should be Thanksgiving...but, Christmas is knocking down the door. Soon, Thanksgiving won't even be an issue. Christmas will rule from Sept to January.
My wish list? do I have one? of course I do.
I have wishes for the world. For my happiness. For my greedy little self.
I wish for peace. I want no more hunger, no more hate.
I wish for my own place. My own little apartment where I can have peace of my own.
And the little greedy part of me wants...
A new computer chair. A comfy one with arms.
A new printer. A laser print. One that will print 10 thousand pages with one laser cartridge. (399.99) at Stables. lol.
An electric blanket. Full size. (I need a new one of these every year)
Dozens of gift cards to Borders. Always need new books.
Oh and Starbucks one would be nice too.
There are tons of other things I want. Things that unless some of you have won the lottery won't be sending my way.
A new car. A new house. You get the idea. Those BIG ticket items.
Well, off to work. We now are into working till after midnight each night.
The public sucks. But I chose retail . Why? oh why?
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Jodie mentioned the "missing" chapter in the comments the other day. And I'm sitting here staring blankly at the screen.
I've written a book. Well, almost a book. I have maybe three more chapters to write. I've written the beginning, most of the middle, and the end. But at some point, I jumped ahead and wrote the ending.
I now have to figure out how to get the main character to his own funeral, get Diamond to an ambush and have him killed....this time for good by his own daughter.
Oh, Diamond deserves every bit of the death he has coming. Then some.
But how the hell do I get them all together? HEEEELLLLLPPPP!
Sunday, November 04, 2007
I was sleeping and I felt them next to my bed. I just stayed in that place between sleep and awake. One bent down and told me "This gift is inventiveness" I felt an electric surge, low level just tingly.
The next one touched my foot and said
"This gift is intuition" this time I felt myself filling up, from my feet, up through my legs, torso and chest. I then felt full. It was very weird. Then there were gone.
I have no idea who they were. Where they came from or where they went.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
She asked me what we were doing for class tomorrow night? did we have anything special planned? not sure what 'special' kind of thing she thought we would be doing. lol.
When I told her that class was cancelled because our teacher wasn't feeling well...
She looked at me funny and said...
"Of all the nights of the year for class to be cancelled, The night when the veil is the thinnest between this world and the next, and you don't have class? wow how strange. What will you do?"
I just stared at her.
"I guess I'll just have to find another bunch of witches to hang out with."
She laughed and seemed kinda sad that I wouldn't be doing anything special on Oct 30.
I don't know why it surprised me that she would know about the veil and all, but it did take me by surprise though. My little girl isn't so little anymore.
I never really thought any thing of it, but in my family, we always did something special on Oct 30. My mom always made a cake or something. That was the spirit night, not Halloween. Not sure why. Everywhere I look online All hallows eve is Halloween, with all saints day being Nov 1st. Samhain also being Nov 1st.
I found the 30 is name day or something, but nothing really important. Wonder why the witches in my family celebrated the 30th? hmm. And why my daughter whom I've never really told about anything about Oct 30 should bring it up? and to believe it is the day to commune with spirits the easiest, not Halloween. I guess Gene memory strikes again. It's in our genes.
My mom passed over on Oct 30th 1996. No surprise there. Strange huh.
Well, if the spirits are gonna come a calling, at least they can do is bring a cake or something.
Tell me what and when you guys celebrate.
And what is October 30th in the grand scheme of things.
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
And besides ...the ancestral witch in me always gets strong this time of year. Every year since I was about 17 I get what they call witch locks on either side of my bangs. It comes in sometimes over night, white. White streaks. There really cool. They kinda freak Jodie out. lol. No matter when I dye my hair, they bleed through in October. A few years ago I woke up on Oct 30 and there they were. Very cool. I think anyhow.
I saw my brother yesterday.
My brothers been dead for almost two years.
But there he was. I've seen him before, but he's always been elusive and I've been left wondering if it was him, but I know it was. Funny thing is he kept talking about drowning, or actually how he didn't drown, but his wife just told everyone he had. ??? When she called my daughter and told her that he had died...six weeks after the fact I might add, she said he had a heart attack.
SIX WEEKS AFTER HE HAD DIED! nothing like letting me know. Distant relatives in Virginia and Florida knew weeks before I did. His only close family, besides his own wife and kids.
Funny thing is that I knew something was up, weeks before she called even though I hadn't seen him in about four years. One afternoon I was taking a nap, when I felt a gentle touch on my cheek and a gentle voice said sweetly "I'm back."
I opened my eyes and waited for more, but there was nothing. I thought it might have been one of my guides who touch me all the time. But there was nothing more. Then a few weeks later she called. So, I know it was my brother who was 'back'.
So, I wonder if she told people that he had drowned from heart failure? or something like that. I have no idea. Hell, I don't even know where he's buried. Not that he's there anyhow.
Anyhow, I'm off to class, working on past lives again. A continuing thread this month.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
His father looked concerned but didn't try and stop the little boy. I smiled and said "He has to show me something." We walked hand and hand into the first room. Clothes were strewn about, candy fallen onto the floor. But nothing to give me any hint as to what bad thing had happened. The little boy, with tears coming from his eyes finally spoke with a trembling voice.
"I was trying to close the door." He looked down at the floor. A spot near the wall. "And there was a loud bang." He was visibly shaken. "I think someone died in here!" He kept staring at the spot on the floor. I looked past him. I tried to 'see' or 'hear' anyone in the space. But didn't sense anything out of the ordinary. The little boy looked up at me. His eyes full of fear. Again he looked down to the floor. I could only imagine what he might be seeing. I finally took his hand again and told him gently.
"Everything is fine. You're fine. Nothing happened in here. No one has died in this building. Not one person has died in this building since it was built. Everything is alright." I then asked him if that was his father outside the room and he answered yes. I told him to go to him. When we came out the father looked afraid. I just smiled and told him. "Everythings fine.".
I saw the little boy a while later in the store and he was happy and normal. What he had witnessed, what he heard and saw I can only guess.
But I wonder if I'll encounter this spirit again. And what lead this child to search me out? he passed at least ten other people, moving in and out between them to come to me. Did he sense that I wouldn't judge him? I wouldn't tell him he was being childish and making things up?
I don't know. Perhaps he's a budding medium himself, and he sensed he and I were kindred. But I saw nothing he saw. I heard nothing he heard. Interesting.
The property we sit upon has always been fields. Hunting fields. Could the loud bang have been a gunshot? a hunting death beneath our feet? that would be my guess.
But keep in mind. Across the street more than a dozen people lost there lives in a horrible train derailment, not ten years ago. It took place right behind wonder bread where I used to work, and across the street from where I word now. I saw on a regular basis there, a little blond girl. And a conductor type man in a blue jumpsuit. They are still in that building to my knowledge. They both died in the train crash.
So, hunting accident? or something else. Either way, my night was strange. I wonder if my aura shows different than non sensitives? He came straight to me. And took me by the hand.
Ah, the challenges of retail.
Sunday, October 07, 2007
"She performed a random act of kindness, isn't that so cool?" we all laughed.
I wonder if this is an Oprah thing. lol.
But it was cute. Just thought I'd share.
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
This one had a little kitten in it. Not just a normal kitten, but a GREEN kitten.
It was a cross between a cat and something. Not sure what, but it was green. It looked almost like a normal kitten, besides being green. But you could look at it and tell it was mixed with something else.
It also didn't quite purr like a cat, something like a purr but not exactly.
In the dream it jumped from the kitten being a small kitten, to a full grown lion size cat. But it still was green and it didn't roar, instead it kinda gurgled. Strange.
....ok. Go. What does this one mean?
Remember the one about the gray hairless dinosaur one that swam in my tub? well the green kitten kinda felt the same way. Loving, different, but familiar.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Those are the only words that come to mind to describe the actual event.
The house of blues was packed. I've never seen it that crowded. It was a sold out show, as is tonight's.
Hanson was totally amazing, I can honestly say this is probably the best show I've seen them perform. They all look thin and healthy. The energy was high and rocking. And oh yeah...Taylor is sexy as hell. He sort a looked a bit like Keith Urban last night, his hair is getting long again and man that just works for him. He definitely has a Samson thing going on when his hair is down below his chin. Ooh yum.
Shut up! he's 24 now, I can say he's sexy out loud now. lol.
Honestly, they really do. If people would just give them a chance in concert they would become instant fans. Hey, THE GRATEFUL DEAD didn't have any top ten songs for the like the last thirty years, but toured all the time. Not saying Hanson is the Dead, but still. If they can still pack venues just on their names, then GOOD FOR THEM. I'll be there when they come around again. Or should I say...THIS TIME AROUND. Yeah, a Hanson song.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
We did a really cool meditation on raising our awareness, and seeing ourselves in a past life. You go up through rainbows, of different colors. Upon reaching the top you go into a room and look into a mirror. The purpose is to see yourself in a past life.
When I made it to the top of the rainbow, in front of me was a large spinning prism. It was throwing off lights everywhere. It looked like it was on a long chain and was spinning really fast. Very cool. There also was a man there, whom I assumed was James Malcolm. My in charge guide. (don't tell him different, I let him think he's in charge.) lol.
Well, I went into the room, found the mirror amongst all the red velvet Victorian curtains. I immediately saw a woman. She had on a bonnet, English style, with a white blouse, belt and big skirt. The room was paneled half way up with wood planks, but every other one was about six inches taller. Then a shorter one, a taller one. Gave a really cool look to the room. It was a library. The girl told me that I needed to "remember the master." It wasn't threatening, but she did sound urgent. "Remember the master"
I had to come back then before we had a chance to go any further. But I will do this meditation again. I wonder who the master is in this life? Do I know him already? or am I about to meet him? and what do I need to remember?
In that life I didn't feel afraid or frightened of 'the master' his lordship or whatever. My teacher thought I might have been a nanny, or school teacher for his children, for I certainly wasn't dressed as a maid or housekeeper. And I was in the library.
When we were finished with the meditations, we gave messages. I was sitting on the floor when I heard in my head. A broken voice that sounded Indian/Buddha like and it said and showed me an elephant lying on a bed. "As the elephant lies upon the bed. So is the apex of your lives." what the hell does that mean?? lol.
I then saw and was given the message...a square with a revolving earth inside. the message. "you all must begin to think outside of the box.' Hmmm.
I then was told that there was a doctor guide waiting for me. The teacher said his name was Thomas. I had to laugh because Jodie and I just yesterday were trying to think of another name for the Tommy character in my book. We couldn't, he's just too much Tommy to us. But the doctor guide told my teacher that he was proud of me. That I had been very close to giving in. Very close in being defeated. He said in the past few weeks, I could have gone either way and he was happy that I had overcome. I then laughed and said. Omg, I know who he is. He is Thomas Rupert. My teacher had a strange look on her face. "I was just gonna say that." So, do all my important guides have two names? James Malcolm? Thomas Rupert? lol. I guess so.
I told them that yes indeed I had been sick for two weeks. Couldn't eat anything, couldn't do anything. So, I guess I wasn't ready to leave just yet huh.
So what do you think the "As the elephant lies upon the bed, so is the apex of your lives." mean?
When I saw the elephant I thought of Jen and her Ganesha. But this was an entire elephant.
And were they were congratulating me on staying on this plain? I wonder. Cause they didn't know what it was for either.
So, what does all of this mean. Feel free to free associated, meditate or just plane think on it.
Isn't an apex a sorta half pyramid? two sides of a pyramid?
Friday, September 14, 2007
AND WE'RE GOING TO SEE HANSON!!! eeee!
Jodie, Megan and myself will be at the CHICAGO HOUSE OF BLUES on sept 29.
Jodie and I and Megan have seen them I think four times. And I've seen them two more times with my kids. So, this will be seven. SEVEN times I will have seen my boys in concert.
EEEEEE! (in my best little girl squeee)
I can finally eat. I swear I didn't eat anything that I actually kept down for ten days. Now if I could just get through the day without death defying headaches I'd be doing ok.
...Oh I forgot, I also have these really strange contraction type cramps that are in my sides. Right in the curve of my sides. It feels like a contraction, where it starts off and just tightens up. It doesn't feel like a cramp, it doesn't hurt, it just feels really strange and annoying. They wake me up from a sound sleep. And they keep making me dream I'm in labor. LOL. Yeah, that's gonna happen again. NOT!
Inventory is OVER thank god. I thought I'd go nuts getting ready for it. They brought in a company to do the counting, 75 people actually. And let me tell ya, they were slobs. I came into work after they were finished, and the entire store was in shambles.
Due to everyone using up all the hours getting ready for the inventory, last night there were actually FOUR people working the floor of the entire store. It was insane.
Friday, September 07, 2007
The above cutie is John Barrowman. Aka Captain Jack Harkness. And for those of you who have BBC AMERICA...two more days until TORCHWOOD!
I gotta tell ya I'm really looking forward to this one.
Jack Harkness is a Dr. Who alumni who totally held his own against the Doctor and Rose so much so, that he is now staring in his own show TORCHWOOD.
The article says that he passed on playing the gay brother of Rob Lowe on Brothers and Sisters. That would have been terrific, but honestly I'd rather see him being 'the star' on his own show rather than just playing a bit part now and then. I can't wait.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
I had the strangest dream this morning. It involved actor Rob Morrow. Now, I'm not a big fan or anything and actually I was surprised I even knew what his name was in that setting.
I'm not sure where I was but it was a nice little downtown. I was walking and was lost. It wasn't like I was afraid, but it was just annoying that I couldn't find my way to where home was. Every time I thought I was just a few blocks away, I'd take a wrong turn and end up someplace else surrounded by people doing other things. People out playing baseball under lights. People wandering around gallery's. Shopping. All in the middle of the night. And the little town was hoping.
At one point I went into this pub/college town tavern type place. It was wall to wall crowded. I kept trying to get to another door and kept "excuse me, pardon me, excuse me..." all the way through the place. I was about two tables from the door when I looked over and there was Rob Morrow. And I called out his name and he turned around and came walking over to me. It seemed like we knew each other. We stood and talked for a few minutes and I told him I had to get home that my husband was probably already pissed that I wasn't home. I left and immediately became lost again. I wandered through galleries and along cobbled boardwalk type places and ended up back at the pub. I went back in. It wasn't nearly as full and I turned to leave and there Rob was again. He told me that he had left and had come back. He said he never comes back after he goes home but he just had to know if I had come back in. We stood talking, flirting like crazy. I finally gave him my cell phone number. Did I mention I was sitting on his lap at this point?? lol.
I left once again and ran into a bunch of ghouls. Vampire type creatures who were selling door to door, blood substitute products. Well, I don't know what was more surprising, that they were selling things door to door in the middle of the night, or that people were buying them. Well, I do guess vampires would have to do their door to door canvasing in the middle of the night. They were scary or threatening. More like your normal everyday Mary Kay or Avon reps ringing bells and selling products.
I do have some of the strangest dreams.
Friday, August 24, 2007
I don't even have work tonight because Kohl's has no power and hasn't had since yesterday when the first micro bursts came through.
Patrick was at the Will County Fair in the next town when it all hit. Doors blew off, atms came unhinged and destroyed the bingo tent. Entire vendor tents were blown away, right along with all of their merchandise.
Police showed up and made everyone go into the concrete buildings for protection. The flooding claimed about a hundred vehicles that sunk....including Megan's car that Patrick had driven there. Not a good thing. It finally was pulled free this morning. At six this morning it looked liked it was two in the afternoon with all the people working to get it all back up and running.
They said the Ferris wheel was spinning backwards and it was very close to crashing down.
It was surreal.
We are still under severe thunderstorm warnings, but it looks like it might miss us.
There are still about two hundred thousand people without power. Somehow I kept my power on thank goodness.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
After calling all three for two days, getting the run around and talking to 11 different people...I finally got one person who actually knew what they were doing and helped me get around the reloading problem and gave me a generic code to allow me to download ms word. How insane is all this.
I could have avoided all this just by going and buying the newest version. But who has a hundred bucks lying around to just run over to Best Buy. I sure don't.
So I hung in there and finally have msword back on my pc.
Now let's all just keep their fingers crossed that nothing else goes south.
Thursday, August 02, 2007
And tonight my daughter and all of her friends had a big bonfire in our yard. I worked, but the smell of wood and friendship was all around when I came home. Again...in fashion of Lughnasadh. Happy lughnasadh too all. It all just fell into place without us even knowing what this day meant. I bet my guides knew. Sneaky, sneaky little guides.
....and why didn't anyone in the know tell me that I could have divorced him in a year and a day? I qualified I was married on Aug 1st. Drats. a dollar short and twenty years to late. My mantra I suppose.
Lughnasadh was one of the four main festivals of the medieval Irish calendar: Imbolc at the beginning of February, Beltane on the first of May, Lughnasadh in August and Samhain in November. The early Celtic calendar was based on the lunar, solar, and vegetative cycles, so the actual calendar date in ancient times may have varied. Lughnasadh marked the beginning of the harvest season, the ripening of first fruits, and was traditionally a time of community gatherings, market festivals, horse races and reunions with distant family and friends. Among the Irish it was a favored time for handfastings - trial marriages that would generally last a year and a day, with the option of ending the contract before the new year, or later formalizing it as a more permanent marriage.
In Celtic mythology, the Lughnasadh festival is said to have been begun by the god Lugh, as a funeral feast and games commemorating his foster-mother, Tailtiu, who died of exhaustion after clearing the plains of Ireland for agriculture. The first location of the Áenach Tailteann was at the site of modern Teltown, located between Navan and Kells. Historically, the Áenach Tailteann gathering was a time for contests of strength and skill, and a favored time for contracting marriages and winter lodgings. A peace was declared at the festival, and religious celebrations were also held. A similar Lughnasadh festival was held at Carmun (whose exact location is under dispute). Carmun is also believed to have been a goddess of the Celts, perhaps one with a similar story as Tailtiu.
A festival corresponding to Lughnasadh may have been observed by the Gauls at least up to the first century; on the Coligny calendar, the eighth day of the first half of the month Edrinios, corresponding to the first of August, is marked with the inscription TIOCOBREXTIO that identifies other major feasts. The same date was later adopted for the meeting of all the representatives of Gaul at the Condate Altar in Gallo-Roman times. During the reign of Augustus Caesar the Romans instituted a celebration on August 1 to the genius of the emperor in Lyon, a place believed to have also been named for the Celtic god Lugh.
 Modern day celebration
On mainland Europe and in Ireland many people continue to celebrate the holiday with bonfires and dancing. The Christian church has established the ritual of blessing the fields on this day. In the Irish diaspora, survivals of the Lá Lúnasa festivities are often seen by some families still choosing August as the traditional time for family reunions and parties, though due to modern work schedules these events have sometimes been moved to adjacent secular holidays, such as the Fourth of July in the United States.
On 1 August, the national holiday of Switzerland, it is traditional to celebrate with bonfires. This practice may trace back to the Lughnasadh celebrations of the Helvetii, Celtic people of the Iron Age who lived in what is now Switzerland.
In Northern Italy, e.g. in Canzo, Lughnasadh traditions are still incorporated into modern 1 August festivities.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Swords thrown down upon the seashore.
To fight for life, freedom and deepest honor.
With gents and ladies on bended knees.
Begging, pleading, do not leave me.
I hear there blades unsheathed.
Blood covered crowns.
Wedding rings thrown to the ground.
I see the blade go deep. Watching him fall.
I run to him, covering him as his life escapes.
I touch his lips with mine as I weep.
The face and fate of the swordsman is etched upon my mind.
I will take his life, I will watch him die.
and I will feel nothing as his life seeps through my fingers.
We stood, we fought, we failed.
our friends and lovers died in our arms.
As the blood flowed endless and unforgiving upon the sand.
The sun rose, as death moved within its haze.
We buried the bodies within our living maze.
Lost, wondering, we searched for an answer that Autumn day.
And within the bright light of passing days, they all knew my name.
I hunted and I searched. Each receiving a death well deserved.
Not one left standing, I felt no fear, and I felt no shame.
I wiped the red from my hands.
smearing it upon the britches of the butchers.
Standing in front of the remnants.
Of charred, burnt desecrated churches.
I will forever see his face.
No longer a boy, not yet quite a man.
As I close my eyes and I take his hand.
That life ends and yet a new one begins.
…and the swirls of time envelope me.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
And oh...Taylor was sporting an impressive woody. Not that I notice such things normally...but damn, you could not not notice this one. This isn't the first time we've noticed his...impressiveness. lol. And someplace there are actual pictures of him in concert in such states. lol. Yep, we are old pervs.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Blogger won't allow me to put the title, where the damn TITLE should be. So it's going here, anyhow....
Has anyone ever realized they were humming? I have been humming for the last two days.
And it's not a song I've heard on the radio or some tv show. Nope, it sounds like piano notes in my head.
I don't read music or play the the piano, so not sure what it is. But I find myself humming the same bunch of music. While doing dishes. While taking a bath. While driving. hm hm hm whoooowhooo. Not exactly what I'm hearing, but close as I can write it down. lol.
So, fess up, how many hummers do we have in here?
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
We had gone to grab something to eat and were heading to pick up Patrick at the carnival.
We were driving on highway 41 and out of the blue up in front of us a car BACKED out of a driveway and stopped. STOPPED. He just stopped. Traffic was moving along at a good clip, still within the speed limit, maybe forty five or fifty miles an hour, when all of a sudden Megan yells LOOK OUT!! and is pointing ahead. All this happened in a split second.
I threw on the brakes, the traffic around me threw on brakes, and we all tried to swerve out of his way. He at the last second pulled off the road onto the side and sat there We then were able to get around him. I should say zip past him. Because I couldn't move to the other lane or stop, the guy next to me couldn't go anyplace and the cars behind us, well, they would have just been screwed too.
Megan nor I said anything for a few minutes. But I'll tell ya, I was instantly sick to my stomach.
That quickl,y entire car loads of family and there lives would have changed.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
I'm getting closer, I've found Saint Catherine of the Isle of Avalon.
But so far my royal looking Katherine is alluding me. Hmm, wonder who she was?
I'm guessing a Saint probably wouldn't have been lighting a candle at night, in red velvet dress, with jewels. I could be wrong, those saints did have special interests sometimes. lol.
Friday, June 29, 2007
But, you can totally see in my choice of tunes that I was not into metal or acid rock. lol.
I have everything from:
Olivia Newton John
Flock of Seagulls
The Ten Tenors
And Hanson. No Hanson snarky comments will be accepted. lol.
And these are just the few I listen to the most. There is one Beach Boys. One Impalas. One Jessica Andrews, a few Tim McGraw. Depends on what part of the story I'm working on. When I'm meditating, the Apollo 100 song, Joy, always helps me to connect. It is similar to a meditation tape we were taught with.
So, there this is what I'm listening too.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
We actually had spirit class while in a hot tub. How cool is that?
Have to admit though the visions and meditation wasn't as intense as it usually is, I think because I was IN a hot tub. Water. Water up to my chin. Have I mentioned I don't like deep water. It just takes my breath away. But I did enjoy the company and the tub while I knew I wasn't gonna slide under or bubble away. lol.
We listened to a CD of classical type music that was recorded from secret musical notes found on paintings painted inside a church. At the moment I can't remember what they were called but they were beautiful.
When it came to messages and visions, I do have to admit to seeing a woman inside a church, lighting a candle. She was dressed royally, with one of those high, white, collars that look like an air filter around her neck. Queen Victoria like?
Then there was the other woman I saw who was dressed in red velvet. She was very sad while standing in front of the alter. And I heard clearly. Catherine of Avalon. Wasn't she one of Henry the xiii's wives? I can't find anything about her on Google. But who ever she was. I saw her last night.
Strange because on the way to class on two different radio channels I heard different things about Henry xiii. When will that ever happen again?
But, it was interesting, and fun as it always is.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Eight things you didn’t know about me, maybe.
1. I love garage sales. Show me a community full of garage sales and I’m in heaven.
2. I adore gay themed books. Throw in some bondage and guy on guy situations and I’ll be a fan for ever more.
3. I always have a book of some sort in my purse.
4. I sometimes dream in French. I don’t speak French.
5. I’ve never used salt on food. In fact we had one salt shaker so long; I used it on my icy sidewalks one winter.
6. Chinese food is not my friend.
7. I want a big cauldron for my front yard. Let the neighbors think whatever they want too.
8. Pink is my favorite color. Red is a close second. They sort of go back and forth being my favorite.
9. I wanted to be a veterinarian but believed I wasn’t intelligent to attend collage.
10. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the TV show Jon and Kate plus eight.
I'm suppose to tag eight other people.
Everyone is pretty much already tagged, but I choose....
And anyone else who would like to share with us.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
450 thousand people it was reported attended. The weather held, no rain, over cast though, which resulted in SUNBURN. My face and arms are red but I'll survive.
I went with my friends Bob and his boyfriend Michael. Those two slay me. lol.
When we were getting on the train to go downtown there were three young, I mean REALLY young boys. I'd guess maybe late teens at the oldest. And they were super cute. Cute in that "I'm gay, I'm proud and don't you just want to eat me with a spoon?" type of way. One had iron straight blond hair, one had curly hair and the last had dark brown with white clumps, all spiked. He was decked out in everything rainbow. Michael looks over at them and says excitedly..."Look! Pretty ones." LOL. And they were really pretty.
Chicago was jammed packed today. We had the Pride parade, the Mexican parade, and the Cubs played against the Sox. All on the same day.
On the train coming home Michael wondered...."If you are both gay and Mexican...which parade would you go too?" Hmm, I wonder. lol.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
I slowed down because I thought it might be a dog. A big dog.
Then as I was getting closer, it stood up. On two legs.
I was puzzled. Then I saw it was a man talking on his cell phone.
Then he continued to stumble on down the street.
He must have come out of the bar and fell down. That is when I saw him on all fours.
I just shook my head and drove on home.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Once in a Blue Moon ... is a common way of saying not very often, but what exactly is a Blue Moon?
According to the popular definition, it is the second Full Moon to occur in a single calendar month.
The average interval between Full Moons is about 29.5 days, while the length of an average month is roughly 30.5 days. This makes it very unlikely that any given month will contain two Full Moons, though it does sometimes happen.
On average, there will be 41 months that have two Full Moons in every century, so you could say that once in a Blue Moon actually means once every two-and-a-half years.
Instead of there being 12 moons in one year, there happens to be 13.
And Halloween blue moons happen even less often, they seem to come in 19 year cycles.
Some other things I found.
The Moon plays an important role in our lives, even if we never give it much thought. Planting is done on the New Moon, except root crops that are planted on the Waning Moon, and harvesting takes place under a Full Moon when there is more moonlight to work under. Many new businesses open on a New Moon. If you want something to be a success, then you plant it, or start it, on a New Moon. The gravitational pull also helps the body retain fluids during the Full Moon, and more babies seem to be born under Full Moon phases. It is also widely believed that the Full Moon phase gives way to more crimes being committed, more angina attacks, more hemorrhaging during surgery, and more fires started by arsonists. People just seem to be more aggressive and violent under a Full Moon phase. There is said to be more activity in mental institutions when the Moon is full. The belief that the full moon causes mental disorders and strange behavior was widespread throughout Europe in the middle ages, and still continues on today. Mental institutions used to be called 'lunatic' asylums, and 'lunacy' means 'insanity'...both from the Latin word, 'luna', meaning Moon. The influence of the Moon on our behavior has been called "The Lunar Effect" or "The Transylvania Effect". Whether or not these 'effects' can be proven by scientific facts, the myths and folklores are here to stay. Even without valid scientific evidence, it sure does seem to many people that the Moon has some sort of an impact on us for whatever reasons.
My mom did all her planting by the full moon. Her rose bushes were just beautiful. She had every color you could imagine, until....one summer every one of them turned red. Yep, about fifteen different colored bushes all turned to red roses. And they stayed red for the remaining years of her life. About five I think.
Could it have been some type of cross pollination? possibly. Could it have been something else? maybe. I have no idea what would make rose bushes turn color after they had been growing and living for years and years. There were yellow, pink, white, purple, blue and peach.
So, why would they all turn to red? hmm, don't know myself.
So just a heads up about tonight's extra moon. Y'all know what happened on Charmed don't ya? they all turned to BEASTS on the full blue moon. Just sayin'...
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
Living in the country we have had our share of strange and invasive critters. We have rats the size of cats in one of the barn. Or I should say we HAD rats the size of cats. We have a few barn cats who take great delight in sending them to their critter maker in the great beyond. And I am eternally grateful for them.
I've mentioned before the giant naked mole like creature who used to live in another barn. He was at least fifteen pounds, HUGE, gray and naked. And she had an attitude, let me tell you.
My son and I encountered her one day as she chased him out of the barn, him screaming, running back towards the house, arms flailing, cartoon like. I happen to be sweeping the concrete landing and had a broom already in my hand. As she ran after my son, I positioned the broom like a baseball bat. I yelled at her to stop. She ignored me. When he ran past me and she ran towards me, hissing and spitting...I hit a home run on her ass. I smacked her back at least two feet. She rolled over, looked at me strange. It was sorta a look of puzzlement, mixed with a tinge of respect. She walked slowly back to the barn, occasionally looking back at me. We discovered a few days later that she had babies in the barn, this being the reason she chased my son out of the building.
After that she would just walk around, she never chased anyone again, but she would hiss and keep walking. To this day, I have NO idea what they were. I've tried to figure out what kind of critter they were, but have never found anything like them. Huge mutant moles. Once her babies were big enough to move on, they all left.
We've also had mice that would just come in the house and think they owned the place. Our inside cat is a blessing. A born hunter. Most times the mice fly like the wind, but now and then we get one who just takes his sweet bippy time. The cat looks at them like..."Why are they moving so slow? is this a trap?" Then she goes into hunting mode and the mouse is ...no more. I love my hunter kitties. They take no prisoners.
Monday, May 07, 2007
I'm guessing he is the main character in my next book. I have the title, I have the main guy. I know he has a 30 year old boyfriend. David is 25. And he has an evil uncle who is keeping him in his Manson like house. Davids boyfriend has to find and rescue him. I have no idea why his uncle has him. What his motive is, in keeping his nephew drugged.
Now, if my guides would just give me the rest of the story, I'd write the darn thing. So, I guess I'll know the story when you all know the story. lol.
But damn, David is a cutie.
And nope, none of the David Davenports I can find by Google come close to the guy I'm dreaming about.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
I've been tagged by TigerYogi to answer five questions.
He put real thought into them too. I'll try my best.
1) What started you in writing "gay fiction"?
I've always written, but several years ago, I happen to be in a chat room with a bunch of crazy and horny women, all of whom were egging each other on. Well, one person would start with one paragraph and then someone else would add to it. I found that all my contributions to the 'story' had the guy being attracted too the other guys. lol.
And at the same time in 'real time' I had just had my first run in with my one and only ghost. The new house (new to us) came with a ghost. A gay one it turned out. I had never read nor written any gay novels or short stories. I began having these flashes out of the blue. I mean xxx flashes. Porn DVDs had nothing on these little movies going on in my head in my waking moments. Wow, up close and personal. I found the gay section at Borders and within weeks had bought and read bags and bags full of their books.
I then met our ghost when one night I kept thinking of the name Jeffery and made the mistake of calling him by that name. The ghost slammed my bedroom door, nearly taking it off the hinges, he then started throwing things around the kitchen, just having a major hissy fit. I went in and realized that he wasn't Jeffery, but the man who had died, or left or whatever was JEFFERY. And the little movies I had been seeing in my head were Mr Ghosts memories/fantasies. It was wild to say the least.
So, I began to write more stories with gay men in them. I was hooked. So, now all of my stories have at least one gay man in it. Most often the main character.
2) What drew you to Paganism?
I'm not sure if I was drawn to it, I think I've always believed what I believe. I have been drawn to the spiritual side of everything since 'forever'. I've always known there was 'more' than what most people want you to believe. I've been talking too and seeing spirit since I was two. So, I guess I just added to my growing experiences in a way that made sense to a 'weird' kid. And it turned out all my little ideas and beliefs I had gathered around me, actually already existed. How bizarre. So, the universe had already chosen to show it all to me before I even 'knew' there was something I should be looking for. Wow, very cool.
3) If you could go back to age 20, knowing what you know now, would you do anything different?
Wow, a deep one. I know I'm supposed to say, YES, I would not marry Tom, I wouldn't go down that path. But you know what? I don't think I had a lot of choice in that. If I didn't marry Tom, I wouldn't have the wonderful kids I have. I wouldn't have been in certain places that spirit and my budding guides needed me to be at any given time.
But is there something I would do different? hmm, I think I would have stood up for myself more.
4) Given the chance, would you travel with The Doctor in the TARDIS, if you know you might never see your family again?
Wow, another deep one. Hell, Hasn't everyone already seen or been on a UFO? so how different would the Tardis be?? lol. Seriously, I think I would. And who says The Doctor couldn't bring me back to the moment I first left in the first place? Nothing lost, no time gone, nothing missed.
And I still feel bad that Sara Jane didn't go with him the last time he asked. She should have gone with him, she and K9.
OK, you all, already know I'm a geek. Yes, I teared up when she refused to go with him.
5) What is your favorite meal?
Easy one. ANYTHING from Maggianos. It is a great Italian place that just has the best food. Man, Now I want that for dinner. MUST HAVE MAGGIANOS SOON!
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Ok, got off track there. Sorry, I said I wouldn't mention her candy stash.
But I was thinking about costumes. I remember my oldest going as a Barbie rocker. Where she wore a little pink like business suit. But I had added sparkles and bricka brack. So, she was all shiny and dangly. I then did her makeup. Any rock star or budding prostitute would have been jealous, I tell ya.
There was the year that they went as peanuts. Not the kind you eat, but the kind that says..."Good grief Charlie Brown."
But, I have to say the most memorable year was the year that my mom died. She passed the day before Halloween. So, I did what I could to keep things as normal as possible. And keep in mind, NORMAL is a relative term around here.
My mom loved Halloween and she would have honestly sat up and bitched slapped me if she thought I had denied my kids trick or treats in order to go and be with people grieving and mourning. Wouldn't have flown with her. So, I called the funeral director and explained my problem. He was so nice about it. He told me I was in charge and could do what ever I needed to do. So, I took my kids trick or treating, then drove them still in costumes to the wake. My kids and my nieces and nephews all were dressed in costumes. It was what she would have wanted. I did get a few puzzled looks from a few people, but most understood I think. And honestly, I couldn't have cared if they hadn't.
So the night before the wake, and Halloween, I was up 'making' my then five year old son into a scare crow. I had a flannel shirt, overalls, and raffia. Lots and lots of raffia. The idea was to glue it around the sleeves and collar, so he would look like a scarecrow. It looked great, I put it on him, adjusted it, tucked it and sent him off to school for his party. Trouble was...he was pretty much glued in the outfit.
The teacher had to cut him out of it to go to the bathroom. He still could wear it though, just not glued completely into it. Poor thing. My excuse was I was insane right then. But damn he looked cute all glued into his little outfit. lol.
Oldest daughter went as Vanna White. She had a long blue sprinkly hoochy mama dress. And middle daughter, I believe was Glenda the good witch. All puffy and pretty.
They have been everything from Christmas trees, to huge stuffed tomatoes, to Rainbow bright and bunny rabbits.
Man, I can't wait to be a grandma and do this stuff again. I miss them not dressing up. But then again, I do always have Buckley Farmstead Days to fall back on. And ebay has given me some really awesome dresses for that. our 4 h group has to dress up in 1910 period clothes and sell hot dogs and baked potatoes. Everyone has to dress up and be in character for the day. The farmstead has wagon rides, demos on everything from candle making, to how to make corn husk dolls. They give tours of the farm and house. Really cool, and It is a fun day, but it too has kinda gone with along with Halloween. To old to dress up, they say. People they know, might actually see them, they say. lol.
I just kinda got tired of seeing people too. People NO ONE else sees. But, it is still fun. The lower barn kinda creeps me out though. I stay out of that one. But all in all. I do get my dress up fix.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Please, give it a read, and uh, Mr, Todd...I know for a fact there are more then twelve of us who check out your blog. lol.
More than an anthology of coming out stories, From Boys to Men is a stunning collection of essays about what it is like to be gay and young, to be different and be aware of that difference from the earliest of ages. In these memoirs, coming out is less important than coming of age and coming to the realization that young gay people experience the world in ways quite unlike straight boys. Whether it is a fascination with soap opera, an intense sensitivity to their own difference, or an obsession with a certain part of the male anatomy, gay kids — or kids who would eventually identify as gay — have an indefinable but unmistakable gay sensibility. Sometimes the result is funny, sometimes it is harrowing, and often it is deeply moving.Essays by lauded young writers like Alex Chee (Edinburgh), Aaron Hamburger (Faith for Beginners), K. M. Soehnlein (The World of Normal Boys), Trebor Healy (Through It Came Bright Colors), Tom Dolby (The Trouble Boy),David Bahr, and Austin Bunn, are collected along with those by brilliant, newcomers such as Todd Pozycki, Michael McAllister, Jason Tougaw, Viet Dinh, and the wildly popular blogger, Joe.My.God.
Friday, April 06, 2007
"Man, it was UBER cool." "Their sandwich's are just UBER fantastic."
Where did this word start? and when did it sneak into society? and who ever brought it, uses it or just throws it around willy nilly...SHOULD BE SHOT!
...it is just such a freaking annoying word. I don't know why it bothers me, it just does.
So, stop it, before I am forced to use my uzi upon your uber.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
The other night I dreamt that I was working in London, in the same building as the BBC. It was a tall skyscraper type of building (no idea what kind of building the BBC is actually in) The building was suddenly being evacuated to the roof. We came out on the roof out of an elevator to find MI5 snipers shooting and being shot at from other roofs. The lady I was with and I ducked down and tried to figure out what the hell was going on. People were scrambling all over the place.
About this time I look over a railing to a lower level roof and there were these creatures. They looked to have been human men at some point but now looked like a combination of both dogs and pigs. They ran like pigs, and their were maybe eight or nine of them.
At this point we heard that this same thing was happening all over the world. All the major cities were having this same scenario going on.
The funny thing about the creatures was the lady and I who were watching them, didn't seem at all surprised that they were once human, but more interested in why they were on this roof. lol.
There was also huge cruise ships that were washed up on shores, millions of people dead all over the world.
A very strange dream. It is one of those dreams that won't go away. I keep remembering it or at least parts of it. Interesting.
Monday, March 19, 2007
They've been together for 11 years, and I think it is sweet. I know, I'm nuts, but I do.
My Birthday GiftBy Jack RinellaPeople in our world often talk about rules and protocols and usually see them as being devised or imposed by the tops in our midst. A long time ago I learned that there is one rule that bottoms ought to follow stringently: Never give a top a toy you don’t want him or her to use on you.I learned that one day when a visiting bottom gave me a paddle (or at least I think that’s what it was) and then complained when I spanked him with it. It seems really obvious to me that if he didn’t want me to use it he should have left it at home, or at least have been smart enough to give me the gift only as he was leaving my home.Sheesh! Sometimes it’s way too noticeable that a guy is using his penis for a brain.Let’s fast forward to the twenty-first century. Patrick knew that I wanted another single-tail whip. My desire was very noticeable. At almost every vendor’s table I looked for just the right one and if I found one I would pick it up, feel its weight, and swing it a bit. I’d feel the braids carefully and look over the workmanship. Too often the price tag was such that I’d put it down and walk away.Last December, at the birthday dinner hosted for me, Patrick presented me with a most beautiful and carefully made signal whip. That is one long slim whip, about three feet in length. I prefer shorter whips as they are easier to control and there is limited swinging room in my dungeon.In giving me such a gift, Patrick was breaking the rule I just stated, as he really doesn’t like being whipped, especially if the hits are on his back. In his defense I have to say that in this case his love and devotion were more important than his dread of the whip. He gave the gift not for his tastes but for my desire.Good scenes and good friendships have that in common. When we do something for the other person, instead of for ourselves, the event is doubly enhanced. It’s ironic that selflessness can sometimes be the most direct path to selfish satisfaction. Now there’s a sentence that takes some thought if you want to make sense of it.Look at it this way. By selflessly giving me a gift that he might not want to give, Patrick gained the greater satisfaction of knowing that he had given me what I had really desired.I took my present and hung it with my whips and paddles. It stayed there more than three months before I used it. I was waiting for the right moment, since a good whipping takes both time and place. At this month’s Hellfire party, I decided it was the right time and place. After we had both finished our volunteer duties, I grabbed my toy bag, found Patrick and looked for a vacant St. Andrews cross. Using leather wrist and ankle cuffs I spread his naked body on the cross.Admittedly he was bound rather loosely, not that he could get away but rather that he could do a lot of squirming. I like to see him squirm. In fact causing groans and squirms of pain are among my favorite pastimes. Making skin turn pink to red to blue is fun too. Only a sadist can really understand that phenomenon. It’s not the infliction of pain that turns me on. It’s the results that it causes. In fact, I prefer bottoms who can’t stand pain. Real masochists take way too much work! Wimps are much easier to hurt.Of course it’s not fair to call’em wimps, but you get the idea. They’re not wimps, you see, if they are willing to do that which they hate just to turn me on.For a change I put some effort into Patrick’s ordeal. I started out with an easy flogging, though not with a real gentle flogger. From there I progressed to a crop, a paint stirrer, and finally my birthday gift.The new whip worked well as I just brushed Patrick’s now pink back with its thin braid. It really was a teasing sensation, as I knew he was dreading what was to come. Quite frankly, since it is a new whip I took it more gently than I might have if I knew how to wield it with more expertise and if my bottom was really into heavy, bloody pain.No matter. I had a really good time and was proud to show off my slave’s devotion. I like playing with Patrick in public as an affirmation of our relationship. Private scenes are much more common since there we have a freedom to let loose as well as to be intimate without distraction.In due time the squirms were coming on hot and heavy. I paused my whipping now and then to feel the heat of his flesh and to caress his body. The gift of the whip was now a gift that was giving again. Is it no wonder that I consider myself so blessed?It wasn’t one of those whip to blood scenes and it needn’t be. I got what I wanted well before I had to “let loose.” The whipping was never as intense as it could have been. I had no desire to go there. If I had the bondage would have been more complete; there would have been no wiggle room on the cross. Patrick would have been bound tightly so that the target of his back would have been immovably secure, a place to lash out with directness until his tender skin began to ooze and then bleed.But sadism doesn’t have to go that far to be erotic. It only has to know its power and its control. The slave was mine and he had shown that with the gift, quietly tendered in a fancy restaurant in the heart of Washington, DC and now shown to our Leather brothers at the clubhouse.Too often we fail to see the importance of giving in what we do, that BDSM is not only a mindless act of desire, but that rather it is more correctly seen as the gift of self. The best of what we do is the gift of both selves. It is not only bottoms who are called to give. Tops, too, must give of themselves by freely being who they are. It is a strange idea that I can best please Patrick only by being the selfish, sadistic, and demanding son of a bitch that I am. It is only by taking what I want, Patrick on the cross as an example, that gives him what he truly wants.Strange bedfellows we make, but happy ones to be sure.