Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I struggle

I struggle.
I struggle with many things. Time. Money or lack there of. I struggle with being a mom, almost grandma and work.
But the thing I think I struggle with the most is who I am and who I want to be.
See, I have no sensor when it comes to just saying what pops in my head and out of my mouth. I just let it fly most of the time. But, I find that I am trying more and more frequently to suppress that urge….and that BUGS THE SHIT OUT OF ME!

I want to be that 80 year old woman who farts and yells at the manager at the grocery store because he is trying to make her stop running over people in the motorized wheelchair. “Get out of my way, or YOU’LL BE NEXT box boy!” Ya know?
That is who I think I am destined to be. I believe at that age I will have earned the right to be pissy and argumentative. And no one will have the right to take it away from me.

I still have a few years before I am THAT 80 year old me. But, I still want to yell at kids at work. I have no problem with giving them stink eye and have the urge to make the little shit ones want to cry. I think, if their parents aren’t watching them and have dumped them in the toy department or on the fitting room sofas. There little asses belong to me. And if they are tearing up my department after I’ve told them to stop i.e running, jumping, climbing, and opening packages, I have the right to throw them out on there little spoiled, snotty asses, or at the very least tell them “Santa Clause hates You, and he is on his cell calling the Easter Bunny as we speak. You’re not getting ANYTHING this year kid. Now whine about that.” And just walk away.

It is really hard for me to censor myself sometimes. And I feel that it is not fair that I should have too. I was sitting in a doctor’s office about a year ago and there was a little boy, maybe five. And he was on the floor, crawling around, making a fish face with those fish lips and doing something akin to swimming with his arms. This older woman walks in, takes one look down at the little boy and says. “What are you supposed to be? A fish?” the little boy didn’t miss a beat. He continued to stare at her, and just sucked in his jaws, with the fish lips. She responded “Yep, fish it is.” And walked away. I loved her!

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Dead relative

Anyone who has known me for awhile now, knows about ‘death’ week. This is from October 25 to November 1st. My dad passed on Oct 25, my mom Oct 30 and my only sibling, an older brother on Nov 1st. So, you can see why I call it death week. And no, they weren’t all at the same time. But still…
I’ve always felt that whoever decides these things are holding Oct 28 just for …you all can bite me! Then it would make a complete and creepy week.

My brother and I weren’t close; I had only talked to him a few times in the eight years since our mother died. I loved him, but just didn’t like him much. He felt the same way about me. He always said that I thought I was better than he and his family. Which I’m not sure if I came off acting like that or not. Point being, we weren’t close.

So three years ago when the call came that he had died of a heart attack I was hurt but hurt more by the news that he had died SIX WEEKS EARLIER. Ok. Nothing like letting me know…say SIX FREAKING WEEKS AGO! I can almost say that I wouldn’t have thrown myself onto the casket and wailed…

“WHERE ARE MY F**KING PHOTO ALBUMS YOU THIEF”. Almost.

So, I have no idea where he is buried or even if he’s buried. They could have cremated him and he’s hanging out in someone’s clothes closet.

I can’t help but wonder about that.

If you have a dead relative hanging around in a plastic bag in your closet or cedar chest. Do you pull them out at Holidays? Do you set a place? Do you put them at the head of the table as an honored guest and make a toast? Do you pass them around from house to house for different holidays? What is the etiquette for dead relatives in bags?

Knowing my brother, he was always stoned. I mean really stoned. So, perhaps they didn’t bury him after all. Maybe they smoked him. And I bet he was really good.

Don’t judge me.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Baby shower

Oh dear me. This past Saturday was my daughter’s baby shower. There were maybe 40 people there. That’s a lot of people for a baby shower. But not as many as they kept saying had R.S.V.P.ed. That number was 55. Why would you pad that number? Lol.
The in-laws had rented a room at the aqua center. What ever happened to just having it in the church basement? But on second thought I’m glad they didn’t because then it really would have been THEM against US. And, my friends and I might just have burst into flames several times during the day. Honestly.
All the church ladies were in attendance. What? You don’t now about the church ladies? Well, sit back and let me fill you in. At my daughters wedding shower they actually stood up and gave testimonies on how to keep her husband happy, like….getting up an hour earlier than him so he never sees you without makeup. Like it would kill him. If I have to wash his shitty underwear, then by god he gets to see me with all my blemishes and smell my bad breath.
And it went on and on. We of course seated in the way back. And it is always the same core group of us that cause trouble. Me and my two best friends. Jodie and Michelle. See, we can get in trouble ANYWHERE. It’s always like having an angel and a devil on my shoulders. And I can be lured either way. There is also my sister in law and my other daughter who tries very hard to keep us behaving ourselves. This is also the shower she came dressed in pink terrycloth. What the hell? There are only two occasions to wear terrycloth. The beach and getting out of the shower and this wasn’t that kind of shower. Might have made those church ladies squirm though. Because I’ve never had a problem taking off….ok, I digress…

We get to the baby shower; find a table in the way back. I sit in the middle with my back to the wall, looking out into the room. Michelle sat to my right, Jodie to my left. Everyone else around us at our two tables. Everyone was her friends/in-law family and church ladies. I never know what to say to them. And I really believe they just feel the same. We have nothing in common, except their son and my daughter. And well, the baby girl coming in Dec.
They stood up and asked if they could say Grace and half the room looked at our table. What the hell? I have no problem with you saying grace, lady. Knock your socks off. Well…She started out with “Dear Lord bless our food…” Then it went down hill from there. “Lord. Dear Lord, our Lord, Sweet Lord, Sweet baby Jesus Lord…” I look up and everyone at our table was looking at me like dear in headlights. Someone said “How many times can you say Lord in a three minute grace?” Michelle says “27” “Oh god don’t. Don’t make me start to laugh”
Mother in law then says “Everyone go and get food”

OK, YOU ALL NEED TO UNDERSTAND SOMETHING HERE FIRST.

I had been really sick for two days. I also had a head cold. I couldn’t hear how loud I was talking…are you seeing where I’m going with this???
Everyone starts to get up to get food. I say, thinking only people at our table could hear me, and all know my sarcastic bent. “So, seeing that they got to say Grace, does that mean our (hand gesture indicating our entire table) Coven gets to give the final benediction? Everyone froze. They heard me. Everyone it seems in the room heard me. So, for the rest of the day. Every time I looked up someone was staring at us. Every time.

Baby games were next. Our table won 5 out of 12. One of the games was finish the nursery rhymes. Thank God we didn’t have to stand up and recite them, because Michelle was reciting dirty ones. ‘Old mother Hubbard went to her cupboard…and something about springing a boner…” I looked at her and said. “You know were all going to hell, right?”

One of the many things I brought for the food table besides Chicken and Cake was brownies. Lots and lots of brownies. I should have added one more ingredient. That would have loosened up the church ladies for sure. Lol.

So, who’s in for Christmas? This should be interesting.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Ketiva ve-chatima tovah

I more often than not feel on the outside looking in. This could be because of what ever is going on inside my brain or I'm still the 'weird' kid you all remember from school. You know you all still remember that one kid who sat by themselves. Ate lunch alone, reading. Yep, that was me. Does that surprise any of you? lol. It shouldn't.
I know it's just me, but I've been seeing glimpses of a white wolf. He's there one second then gone. A few short months ago I would have just acknowledged him as a new spirit guide or power animal. But now, not so sure. My vision isn't as good as it used to be, and the headaches do make things blurry at times. So, not so sure anymore if he's really there for me to see, or if he's something else entirely. Nothing in fact. But I have caught a glimpse of him standing fully in the aisle at work, just for a half second, blink and he was gone. And in my own yard. Dogs seem to act like something is there though.

Tonight we came out of work, and there were BATS. Yes, real ones. We've never seen bats at work. Hell, I'd never seen a real bat anywhere. There were two of them and they were perched on a bench right outside of our store doors...just watching us. As cool as it was, it was very strange. Magical even.

I came home, pulled in and the wolf was standing in my yard. Then he was gone. I'm not sure what he symbolizes or is trying to convey but he has my attention. The bats...those are something new, and EVERYONE saw those. lol.

And Today is Rosh Hashanah. Which is the Hebrew New Year!

Ketiva ve-chatima tovah. translates “May You Be Written and Sealed (in the Book of Life) for a Good (coming) Year’ I extend my wishes to all!

I bring this up and wish you all the best because, well first, because it's the right thing to do and I have been having a really, REALLY difficult week. Bill collectors calling. No money. Bad health. Married daughter acting horrible. Just negativity from all sides crashing down on my head.

But according to my Good Friend Chris Yosef:
"The cosmic window opening over the next 2 days is for everyone! We can use it to literally correct and remove all the negativity we created. According to kabbalah, no matter HOW MANY negative actions we've committed, our true essence the creator within, Never becomes diminished! At Rosh Hashanah we reconnect both to our origin as individuals and also to the origin of humankind, We are literally born anew! Along with doubt another of our negative qualities is the ability to settle. We get ourselves in a difficult situation, and we get use to it. It's kind of like re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. The boat is sinking but we try to make the chairs look nicer. We settle. The truth is we have unlimited potential so we should not be comfortable with anything but unlimited results!" He's so wise. lol.

So, you see, I'm still the weird kid. The outsider who says and reveals way too much and gets the eye roll I'm sure. But now I have no problem eating my lunch alone, reading my book. Maybe I'll whistle and my new white wolf friend will come and sit with me.

If anyone has any inside thoughts as to what the message might be they are bringing. Feel free to comment. Comfort perhaps. A sign that they haven't left. Or something entirely different. I don't know at this point.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Blood work

I have half my tests results back. The blood work and liver functions are all normal. Still waiting on the EEG though.

Dreaming cats. Not dreaming OF cats.

Tonight the cat was sleeping on my bed. Now, I know dogs dream, I've seen mine dreaming of running, twitching, whining. But cats? honestly, I've never thought about it. But she was sleeping. No twitching, no whiskers moving, not a tense muscle when all of a sudden she went 'MEOW. MEOW" I looked over at her and she was dead sound asleep. She was talking or better yet meowing in her sleep. LOL. It was so funny. Just thought I'd share.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

I'm back!

It's been a long time since I posted, I know, BAD BLOGGER!
Summer came and summer went! the fairs came and went, kids went back to school.
Megan is full time, she is taking her coding classes now. She says she likes those, but the customer service class is boring and a pain in the ass. lol. Then sometime either this year she will take her phlebotomy classes.

Patrick graduated high school and is now taking his EMT classes through the fire dept. I still think at some point he'll take this training into the service.

Probably a good thing that two of my three kids are going into the health field. For myself I go on wed for an extended two hour EEG at Loyola Hospital. I have swelling on the left side of my brain, with no reason for it at this point. But then again, I just found this out when I changed Neurologists. The first one NEVER told me the results of the EEG from last January. Don't you think that at some point he would or should have taken a second one to see if the swelling had increased or decreased? Putz.

My oldest is now 5 1/2 months pregnant and isn't as much a mom zilla as she was, but she is still bitchy. I honestly don't think I was ever that bad with my three. LOL. I even asked my husband if I was that crazy?
She's having a GIRL. Can't wait to meet her. But I would have bet money on a boy. And I'm still wondering if 'he' is just hiding it. Lol.

I promise to post more and more often. I swear!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

IML pics

The boy being laced into the sleep sack. Courtesy of MrSLeather.

This was at the RECON Booth. This was a little thing called an Alien Egg. There was a boy inside. The four sides closed up around him. They opened down like petals on a flower. It appeared to be inflatable and he was sweating buckets. At one point he went down inside for a long period. He had on a rubber hood which looked to keep out all sound and light. And inside the Egg it must have been a sensory deprivation experience. We watched for awhile, it was really interesting. They would move him around. Bang on the sides, which would cause the Egg to vibrate and jiggle. Reach in and touch and rub him. Then when he would start to struggle and move they would let him be to calm down and 'go back into his head space'.
They then took the petals down. Finally taking him out (I have no idea how long they had been taking him in and out of the Egg at this point either) When they removed him, he couldn't hardly stand on his own and needed to be helped to stand and walk. Really wild.

...and This guy.... Well, was just standing there. lol. I hope he was part of MrS and didn't belong to someone who just left him on his own. lol.
I wish I had taken a lot more pictures, but honestly it was like being in Oz. There was so much to take in that I forgot to take pictures. And there are pictures that I won't be putting up on here. Privacy people. lol. Not mine, I have nothing to hide! haven't you all figured that out by now? :)-

Journey

Friend.
Lover.
Soul mate.

Connection.
Desire.
Intensity.

Trust.
Surrender.
Tears.

Capture.
Bound.
Confession.

Pain.
Pleasure.
Release.

Truth.
Love.
Honesty.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Birthday Tattoo


I was asked today by one of my girlfriends, Michelle "What plans do you have for your birthday? and what do you want?"
Ok, my birthday isn't until late next month, and if she's already thinking about it...well, that's scary. cause it means she's thinking of 'something'. She says she's thinking of taking a small 'trip'
See the tattoo up there? yeah, that was her. lol. Michelle, doesn't do anything 'small'.
For the Tattoo birthday she took me out for a nice lunch. Plied me with alcohol. I don't drink. Then asked me "What do you want for your birthday?" Honest to God. I had never in my life thought of getting a tattoo. Nope not once. And out of my mouth the words came. "A tattoo, maybe a tiny little sun" Well, before I could finish my last sip, I was in the tattoo parlor and was looking at pictures and before I knew it I had picked out this LARGE wolf. Three hours later and with no skin left on my back. I was the owner of said wolf. But I do like him though. Some day maybe I will go back to add more color in the feathers.
Then she asks "Do you have a passport?" ???? WHAT?? no, I have no passport. And I'm not getting one, if my birthday is going to include me being Louise to your Thelma. And if it might include any sort of Mexican Border Patrols in the middle of the night? Thank you...NO!
I can not and will not be driving or God forbid running for any borders clutching my suitcase to my chest, thank you! She giggled. She didn't deny it, but just giggled. I think I might be out of the state that last week in August!

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Fetish pic.

My peeps in Seattle (do they still say Peeps?) http://tonybuff.com/ and http://sextanza.com/
were having a Twitter fetish contest the other night. And needed us to twitter in a pic with some sort of fetish content. Well, the closest thing I might have lying around would have been my 4H animal whips and paraphernalia. But, first I needed to find it all.
So, as I walked from barn to barn collecting it all, my arms getting fuller. My husband on the riding mower was watching me. He stopped and asked me "What are you doing?"
"I'm taking a picture" I said and kept hunting. He followed me into the hog barn. I was bent over at the waist in the show box digging through it throwing things out over my shoulder. Cans of Pig Shine. Pig Paint. Fly swatters. Swine water-ers, all flying out. But I wasn't finding the things I was looking for. See, in MY mind I knew what I wanted for my FETISH picture. The same type of things that could also be used in any kinky bedroom. Not that I've ever thought of them in that way. No, who? Me? no, nah...

"Where is that Red whip?" Where is Megan's Pink Pig stick?" "Why the hell can't I find any of the Steer collars or ropes? don't we have more rope? WHERE ARE THE ROPES?"
By now he was back on the lawnmower. "Why? what is this picture for?" he kept asking.

"Stop asking me a million questions that you don't want the answers too." I told him as I walked to the steer barn. But, he wouldn't stop. He kept nagging. And kept following me on the mower. Asking question after question. Why why why what what what. I finally couldn't take it anymore, and with my arms overflowing with whips, harnesses, halters, and show sticks. I stopped, swung around and just looked him dead in the eye.
"I told you to stop asking me questions you don't want the answers too. So do you really want to know what I need this picture for?" He got all cocky.
"Ok, So, here is what you don't want the answer too. My friends in Seattle want a picture. They are going to a sex party. And are having a fetish photo contest. And I'm sending one in!
These are the same people Jodie and I went downtown to meet at IML Yes, we went down to the leather mart and had one hell of great time with all of the them. I was in HEAVEN! And will be going back next year!
And...I blogged about CONDOMS ON TABLES! And it got picked up by the LEATHER ARCHIVES AND MUSEUM. I was totally honored!...."

He put his hands over his ears and said. "I don't want hear anymore." and motored away.
He acts like he doesn't want to know. But if he really didn't want to know, then he wouldn't have kept asking a million questions about why and what I was doing and following me from barn to barn. Honestly....

Sidenote:
I passed on the Pig feeders. Bowls. Enclosers. Pens and paddocks. THAT picture WOULD have been hard to explain to him. LOL. He would not have gotten that one. Besides, I didn't have any little curly piggy tails...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

IML condom table

There were tables set up throughout the hallways and entryways in the leather market. On them were HUGE bowls of Condoms. All types of Condoms. Different sizes, brands, colors and even some for females. As we came in Jodie and I shyly looked through the bowls and picked out a few and dropped them into our purses. An hour later, we were taking hands full, and by the end we were rummaging through like it was a yard sale, on ten cent day. “Ooh, purple ones.” I exclaimed holding up a packet for her to see. “I have that one” she smiled back. It still makes me giggle just thinking about it.

We had to stop at one point to sign something and a very cute, nearly naked twenty something boy was standing at the booth helping us as we filled out a form, as we pulled out a pen he saw our large collection of by now of condoms and laughed. Jodie blurted out “I have a teenage daughter.” and looked over at me to say something. I responded. “I have an eighteen year old son. He’s gonna find condoms everywhere he goes. In his bed. Every drawer he opens. Every time he opens his glove box. Hell, their gonna fall out of his shoes” The boy just laughed. “Whatever it takes mom” His smile was sweet.

On our way out to leave we hit the last table one more time and loaded up one last time. That’s when we found the female ones. Really? Those surprised us at IML. But we took some of those too. By now, our purses runnith over. But the funniest thing almost happened on the train home. We were sitting talking about all we had seen. Across the aisle were an entire gaggle of senior citizens. The train suddenly lurched sideways and in slow motion my purse started to fall…Jodie and I grabbed for it at the same time. All I could think of was O-M-G ALL THOSE CONDOMS ON THE FLOOR! Red ones, blue ones, purples ones. And I’m talking at least 50 condoms. ALL OVER THE TRAIN FLOOR. What would they have thought? But we grabbed it in time. We both sat there, me clutching the purse to my chest. Jodie breathing hard. Both our eyes wide.
“That was close”
“Yeah it was” We both started to giggle like teenagers. Nothing like having a little secret. Then we sat and read my copy of the newspaper I had picked up. The LEATHER JOURNAL. Oh hell, let them think what they will.

IML Part one

IML
On the walk to the IML host hotel, the closer we got the closer it became apparent that we were definitely in the minority. This didn’t come as a huge surprise though. Two 35 year old (uh huh, yeah, right, gonna be 35 for another ten years…Yep) straight woman walking towards IML.
As we walked along and we were passed by two leather men and heard “Those are chicks” Jodie and I laughed. We entered IML and another world. And I have to say we could not have asked to have been treated better. Honestly. Everyone treated us with kindness and respect. From the men at the reception desk to the cute guy who waved us in ala a genie from Aladdin.

Even when I had to use the CO-ED bathroom. If the boy’s didn’t mind I didn’t mind. And when I say BOY. I don’t mean literally a boy, or little boy. A boy can be any age, or any gender actually. But, for this post, let’s just say male, over 21.

We stood at the top of the steps looking out and down on the leather market. Imagine a flea market, with aisle upon aisle of x-rated goods. The shoppers, in leather and rubber and naked butts everywhere. We even saw a few superheroes thrown in. Then imagine people trying on items and getting fitted for harnesses, and jocks and corsets oh my. And all the while videos are playing all around you. Boys are being zipped into sleep sacks, and rubber cubes and onto modified St Andrew’ Crosses and Jodie and I are walking around taking it all in. I was in HEAVEN.
We walked past a vendor where there were a few men standing who stood about as tall as a doorway who whispered as we walked past. “Those are women. REAL women.” Jodie looked at me. “Do we not look like real woman?” She asked. I laughed looking down at my sizable chest. “Maybe it’s my boobs. Hell, if they were fake, you’d think they’d be standing at better attention” I told her. We continued on.
We stopped at the RECON booth to watch a boy being zipped into an alien egg. That was wild.

And we watched demos. We saw a rubber box were a boy was put inside and all the air was sucked out. He was encased inside, everything except his head. Then he was turned on his side, then upside down.
We couldn’t find a flogging demo. I would have watched that. Jodie probably not so much. Although she was a trooper about everything else.
We passed a bunch of rubber clad men passing us. They stopped and looked back at us. “Those are females” At his point. Jodie and I just laughed. We weren’t the only women in the place, but it was close. There were those who were vendors or in leather or with men, we were none of those. So, we were a minority. And there were probably, five of us walking among a thousand men. Ok, maybe there were more than that, but honestly that’s about all the women we saw in our category and I’m stretching the number.
At one point, Jodie said. “I kind of feel like a science experiment.” I laughed and said. “I feel right at home. You could put me on a stage with a crown on my head. I LOVE THIS!” “Of course you do!” She said. And left me standing at the Mr.S leather booth watching a boy getting laced up in a full leather sleep sack.

Monday, June 15, 2009

TRUST

Back in my twenties, when I was experimenting. I would gladly tie up my boyfriend, anytime he wanted me too. And anytime ‘I’ wanted him to, too.
But, never would I allow him to tie me up. It came down to trust. Sure, I loved him. I would do anything for him. But I didn’t trust him. Not on that kind of level. I’ve never trusted anyone that much.
Back then I also was beginning to get the first discernable memory flashes of some of my past lives. And along with them, the mistrust and fear that came along with the bits and pieces of those memories. At that point there was NO WAY on earth NO ONE was tying me to anything, and that was a simple and non-negotiable fact. Due mostly to the fear I had of being tied up and killed. Mostly drowned. See, I have past life memories, dreams and visions of being a persecuted witch, several times in fact…and most of them include being tied up and drowned. Tied down and drowned, being a male sailor and being flogged and either falling overboard or being thrown over, not sure and drowning. Can ya see where my aversion to water comes from?

Yeah! I don’t do beaches, or pools much either. Don’t really even like to put my tootsies in to deep, anything over my stomach and it just takes my breath away. I barely learnt to swim enough to get though high school. All my friends know, I’m not the person you want to count on to save you if you’re going under for the third time. Sure, I’ll jump in and try to save you, but then someone else might have to save us both.
So, oh yeah, trust. Back when these little gems began to work themselves up and out of my stored memories banks, there was no way I was going to allow myself to be put into any situation where I was not in complete control. And being tied down or left someplace where I wasn’t in control wasn’t going to do it. Now, in theory and fantasy it all works out just fine. But in practice and practicality, not so much.

Over the years I’ve met some very interesting people and groups of people who came in and out of my life, some VERY quickly. I worked in a metaphysical shop for a while. And on occasions was invited by some very nice people to come and join in for different events. But the minute they would say. “Oh it’s being held in the woods. Or on a deserted beach.” No thanks, I think I’ll pass.” I’d say. I’ve seen enough lifetime movies. I’m not gonna be the main course or the sacrificial lamb, thanks, but no. See, I just don’t trust people, not that much, not with my life in their hands, when they hold ALL the cards.
But I probably wouldn’t have gotten into those woods or onto that beach anyhow. My guides would have blocked the doors, had my car breakdown or found some other way to keep me from going. They’d done it before.

Those tiny little voices can be just nagging and a poking atcha feeling. Other times they can be loud and persistent. Both to get my attention. The same goes for when they are silent.

SILENCE can be the loudest sound of all.

I used to just get the uneasy feelings. The ones that made the hair stand up and I just knew that I wasn’t supposed to go. Then they began to whisper, and then talk. Now they just come and say “Yeah, whatever, Tell them, NO WAY! MOVE ALONG, NOT COMING!” you get my point. And yes, they can be outright rude sometimes. My guys are not the sit around on clouds meditating and contemplating kind of guides. I really wonder what kind of notice went out when they were looking for guides for me. And what it said? Because I picture mine as being rebels of sorts in the guide world. The ones that they have trouble placing, and were probably relieved to have found ME to give these guys something to do for awhile. But, according to my main guide James Malcolm when asked how long he had been with me? He gently touched my cheek and said. “Forever” So, that would explain why we argue like an old married couple at times. Lol. Him. I trust. Them. I trust. Which says a lot.

As they screened the people in the store and shielded me from them. They’ve also found and continue to find me some very dear friends. Funny how they work. I met my very Best Friend Jodie online. My guides must have talked to her Guides and she sent me an email…which she had NEVER done before and we connected. (We were members of the same online group. We had seen each other online but had never talked in person or even emailed, she had an extra ticket to an outdoor concert and lived close to me. Her teenage daughter’s friend couldn’t go and she was offering it to me. Hanson if you must know. LOL. I answered her email; we called each other, met at the concert. Try finding someone standing in hundreds of people and all you have to go on is what they are wearing? Lol. Yet I found her. And we had a blast. We’ve been best friends now for 8 years.) Guides did good. They do that now and then when there is someone they need me to meet or connect too. They find a way for me to meet them.

This seems to happening a lot more lately. How does the saying go “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear?” I hope so. New beginnings!

I trust my guides. I trust when they tell me that this year is my year to shed the old, and look to the new. I trust when they say “He is coming.” Who he is? They wouldn’t and still won'telaborate. They said that three or four months ago.

And young guide Paul also let slip “And don’t forget Kensington” and was soundly yelled at for it. “Shut up! Don’t influence her in any way. She has FREE WILL.” James Malcolm scolded Paul. I found that conversation between them very interesting. Yep, this occurred while I was driving that day. They just had this conversation all around me while I’m sitting in the middle of them.
So, who or what is KENSINGTON? A person? A Street? A publishing house? I still don’t know.

But there are things I do know.
I KNOW I can write.
I KNOW I count.
I KNOW I was meant to be here.
And I KNOW I have purpose.
I was given gifts, and I KNOW I WILL NOT WASTE THEM!

I just have to learn to TRUST in MYSELF, that is what this year is about!

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Pictures

Busy week. Here are a few pictures: Top picture is Patrick leaving for Prom. Could double for his future job in the CIA I suppose. lol. It's the glasses.


He finally made it! There was actually a diploma in there. YAY! These are my three babies. From left to right. Megan. Patrick and Deanna. Middle, youngest, oldest. And a secret....Deanna, is having a baby. Yep, I'm gonna be Bubi. I'm so HAPPY!

Patrick's Senior Picture. Gotta say, his was the most unique. He is a vol fireman for our little town. He loves it! He looks about 14 in this pic though. lol. But he is 18.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Yogurt

I went to pick up some water, fruit and yogurt tonight. I picked up a few different type of yogurts other than what I usually get with my little 80 calories.
Did you know that:
Breyers Yo crunch yogurt either with Butter finger or M&M toppings has 200 calories.
200 calories, for one little yogurt. If I'm gonna be eating 200 calories...it ain't gonna be wasted on a yogurt that's for sure.

...SOMEONE PASS ME THAT HOHO!

Saturday, May 09, 2009

Head space

What is Head Space? I think of it as that place were you go when you 'zone out'.
But there are many different ways to get there though. We've all done it watching TV. Doing the laundry. Even listening to our spouses. "Uh huh...yeah...whatever you want to do...." And before we know it, we've agreed to vacations with our in laws for six weeks in the summer with no chance of parole. YIKES.

I do it when I write. I sit down at the computer, put on the headphones, turn up the music and 'zone out' I then let the story go where it will. 80% of the time, I've already gotten the idea of what it is about, but how it will get there or what will happen on the way might still be a mystery. Granted there have been a lot of surprises. Stories that have really written themselves. I sat down thinking they would start and end one way, only to find that they ended up completely different than how I had expected them too. And I wrote it.

There is also the HeadSpace needed when we studied in school. Nose to the grindstone. Cracking that book. Cram all of that knowledge into our brains for a final. We needed to be in a position to allow ourselves to accept that we needed to think of nothing else but those tests or papers that were haunting our every moment. We needed to block everything else out....hence HEAD SPACE.

When we Play or have Sex together or alone we often fantasize. This too puts us into a HeadSpace of our own making. It can be simple or very complex and elaborate. We decide. Again into HeadSpace we go. The zoning out, or zoning in is more like it. I believe we connect with ourselves on deeper levels when we zone in while we are surfing around in our little HeadSpace. No one is there to tell us to pay bills, or pick up the kids, or ask what is for dinner. We are in charge, we have the power. We are the ones who can give ourselves the freedom to write, to create, to scream.

We just need to look inside.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Didn't I already do high school?

Will I never be finished with high school? and here I thought I had graduated in 1979. Nope, I'm still doing last minute projects and scrambling to get things finished to make sure there is a diploma waiting at the end of the line....

...only this time, it is for child number three. And thankfully...the last one.
Tonight, it was making deviled eggs for my Home EC final. Who knew I was still taking Home EC. I sure didn't. So, I took him into the kitchen, showed him how to make them, and WE, meaning ME made them. What a pain in my...
Didn't I make a purple apron about a hundred years ago to pass my own final?? I think so. Geeze.

...now, he's on his own with the cabinet making. I know nothing about that.

Friday, May 01, 2009

Prom night

Tonight is my youngest and only son's prom. He went stag. Yep, he went by himself. He bought a ticket, rented a tux, and drove himself. I don't know how to feel. I'm torn between wanting to feel a bit sad and feeling proud that it doesn't bother him that he didn't have a date. (girl he really wanted to take, couldn't go at the last minute due to last minute sheep debacle' yes, sheep) So, he went alone.

This isn't my only child that bucked the system. His older sister, my oldest...went with a girl. lol. On prom day, the two girls were stood up by their dates, two fellas from another school who never showed. Didn't fazed em. They took each other. Tickets were already bought. They were dressed and looked beautiful. So off they went to have a wicked time.
My middle daughter is the only one who took the standard route.

I hope he has a wonderful time and wins something really cool at post prom and doesn't get into any fights. He does tend to get into fights when there are big mouth show off boyfriends talking shit or talking down to their dates. I can't tell you how many times I've had girls parents call me telling me that my son stood up for their daughters. He's been suspended, had detentions and I've talked to three different principals over the years all whom have sided with Patrick over this issue. He will not stand for guys bullying girls. And will not stand down or walk away, even if it means getting his own ass kicked.
So, we'll see what happens after prom or during post prom.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Colin


Oh, Oh Colin. Sad to see you go! I think you should have gotten at least one more week. Amanda should have gone this week. What the hell was with laying on the horse?
Yeah, yeah, you had a hard time with the calf, who hasn't. Those little buggers are slippery. Not slimy, but a hand full. Anyhow, wish you the best. Sure we'll see you at some Bravo wrap up show.

Third graders

My daughter Megan told me today that she was in the middle school office, dropping off a sign up sheet for her cheerleaders. She is their coach. There was a third grade little girl in the office upset about something, but Megan didn't know about what. Finally the little girl couldn't hold back the tears and lost it completely and began to wail. "I HAVE A FIELD TRIP TOMORROW TO CHICAGO...I'M GOING TO GET THE SWINE FLU! I JUST KNOW IT!" where upon she began to sob.
While this is not funny, it is. Poor thing. and you just know she's going to show up tomorrow with rubber gloves and breathing mask. And the first person who sneezes anywhere in the city is going to send this little girl into a complete meltdown.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Spirit Guides

I'm so excited. Just found out my Spirit class is coming back. We've been on hiatus for months while we've all been going through some stuff. But our teacher has gotten a new place to hold classes and they are starting back up next month and I'm a happy camper.



Just that little once a month get together with like minded people, does a world of good. She will do two classes one for beginners and one for more advanced students. I fit into the second group, but the beginners group is always so much fun. They are just so excited and everything is new and fun and shocking. I love the freshness they bring and the questions and wide eyed innocence. Babes in blankets. Gotta love em. They haven't yet gotten tough skinned or acquired the know it all attitude.



We learn to listen and give spirit messages. This is one of the most important things she has taught us. To listen. And it is probably one of the hardest things to do. Just-to-listen. At the end of each class we have to calm ourselves and connect with our guides, then ask if they have any messages for anyone else in our group. Sometimes they are jumping to give them, other times it is like pulling chicken teeth, an impossible thing to do. At first just standing in front of a group of people and listening to your little inner voice and trying not to look like a fool is really hard. I mean REALLY HARD. You keep asking yourself am I really doing this? The beginner class will struggle with this. Some will get it right off the bat, others will never get it. But it strengthens the connections between you and your guides.



GUIDES: That is another thing that they will learn about. A lot of meditation work will be done. Workshops and spirit work. Lots of opportunity's to draw them out. Things to help you connect with them. In the meditation and then in the deeper meditations they will begin to notice the same people and voices. The same names popping up. Soon someone will introduce them self as their guide. Most times, multiple guides. I have four main ones. I used to have five...I'm not sure where the other one has gotten off too. lol. But, he's gone. But we do have different guides for different reasons.

For instance. I have protection guides. I have an outer ring I call the guards. I mentioned the one who was behind me, holding me the day I ran into the witch at the store. He was one of the guards. When any of them touch me, their touches are warm and solid.

But the main four who are with me all of the time are:

James Malcolm. The head of the little bunch and who says when asked how long he's been with me? "I'm been with you...Forever." Ok... I have always argued back with him. I figure he knew what he what he was getting when he signed up for this gig.

Katherine. My Victorian Lady. Who can be anything but a proper lady. She can hold her own against any man. She 'lets' James Malcolm think he's in charge. Not really sure what her purpose is at this point is though. But I have felt her influence in my life a great deal at different points.

Victory Houson (like the state, without the T) she says with a strong southern accent. She is from 1862 Vicksburg.

And..

Paul. My early early 80's gay boy. He wears tight tights jeans. Kinda of a shorter version of a flock of seagulls haircut and loves ABBA and QUEEN. He is the only one who has actually shown me his death. Not pleasant. He was lured into an alley and beaten to death by a half dozen or so men. Brought me to my knees. Horrible. A skinny, not even 19 year old kid.


Funny sidebar: I once got into a very heated argument with another teacher during a class, because she was trying to teach the class I was in that we were supposed to always ALWAYS treat our guides like gods. What? I looked at her and stopped her on a dime. My class all snickered, knowing my relationship with James Malcolm and just waited for the fallout. I told her what I thought. I used bold words. "Lady, if they want to be treated nicely, then they best treat me nicely. They treat me like shit, they they can take a hike back out the door they came in." She turned white and told me that they were to be treated with the utmost respect, that they had 'chosen' to help us and to not treat them with respect and honor was an insult and she would not stand for it. I laughed at her. She has refused to this very day to ever attend the same class if I'm there. Ah well. lol.

I have gotten into some heated arguments with my own guides and have told them to shut the hell up and to leave. Which they have for months. Until I need them or they think I've learnt what ever lesson I needed to learn. Putzes. lol. But I love them all. Most of the time. I do miss them terribly when they aren't around though.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Playing

I was talking with someone today about I.M.L and they asked if I had ever played? A simple question. But there are so many different ways to answer that one little question.

Yes, I played. Or a better answer should probably be, I dabbled. Lol. About a hundred years and several lifetimes ago.
My first boyfriend. The one whom I gave my V card to was also was my first boy. Didn’t know it at the time. But he was.
I’ve wondered over the years what exactly what all his different purposes were in my life. Yes, he opened my eyes to ‘play’. I certainly had my own ideas, but had never acted on them. We were both 17 when we began. And I was a intercourse virgin for the first two years of our being together. He said he was, and I believe that yes he was in the sense that he was a virgin with girls.
But, he more than a little experienced in butt play. What did I know? I knew NOTHING about what guys wanted in that area. But, damn when I decided to let him teach me, I was fast learner. Lol. It didn’t take long for him to let me take the lead. And I ran with it. For the first two years, he and I tried just about everything, except intercourse. He wasn’t really interested, and I wasn’t ready. Lol. Funny, I was beating him, I was tying him up, and using a strap on…but I wasn’t ready…LOL. I blush even writing that.
Two years in, we switched. He topped and I bottomed. Still, had no idea that there were even words or a culture for what we were doing. Two suburban kids both still living at home. But, that never stopped us. Where there is a will, there is a place and a scene I guess for two horny twenty somethings I guess.
I didn’t mind being the bottom, but he really wasn’t happy topping. And by this point, he was ready for a more vanilla relationship he told me. My kinky little heart was broke.
I saw him now and then. He would drunk call a few times a year. But for the most part I didn’t see him anymore for years.
…I mean years. I too moved into the more spiritual side of myself, learning about what made me me. Learning to hear my Spirit guides, communing with ghosts and just settling into my own skin I suppose.
Some years later I ran into him at some street fair with my kids, with his….boyfriend, that wasn't a big surprise. He did introduce us. But not as his ex girl friend, not his first, or his ex mistress, or what ever I was. The boyfriend kept looking at me strangely, probably trying to read the looks on our faces. I so wanted to ask if he still liked to be tied up? But he looked happy, and married and I just couldn't do it. I did wish him well and I meant it.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Tid bits

Tid bits:

Just ate a weight watchers BOSTON CREAM PIE yogurt. Well, it sure didn't taste like Boston cream pie, unless the Boston cream pie had gone rancid and sour. It just tasted like....yogurt. Sad. Just so sad!

``````

Two nights ago. Had something follow me all the way down the driveway. Not sure what it was. That hasn't happen in a LONG time. Months even. I 'felt' it. I knew it was following me. I kept turning around but didn't see anything. It actually didn't feel like any of the regulars. LOL. I know that sounds strange. But they do have a vibration of their own when they come around. And this one felt different. I know it wasn't the civil war guy. Whom I haven't seen in six months or more. Hopefully he truly has moved on into the light for good. It wasn't the pain in my ass trouble maker who loves to just screw with me. He's been on Hiatus someplace and hasn't been around either. So, I guess I'll see if this one shows up again, and what it wants.
The joy's of having different vibrations I guess. I get to deal with Ghosts and spirits on occasion.

````
I've had several emails asking about my Spirit guides and how I came to have them and who they are. So, maybe I'll talk about them this week. They really are a fun bunch. lol. I know people probably think I'm as crazy as a loon, and I don't blame them one bit. I'd think I was nuts too. But they've proven themselves time and time again. Just ask Jodie. They kick her in the butt now and then and shock the hell out of her by telling me things that I couldn't know to tell her. She is a believer now. lol.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Supermodels at the A list awards.

S0me of the models at Bravos A LIST AWARDS. There is our Colin standing next to last years Casey. Why Casey is with them is beyond me, but he is looking yummy, but he always did. And Shawn is back for some reason too, and all wrinkled to boot.


Sunday, April 05, 2009

I.M.L CHICAGO 2009


http://www.imrl.com/visitorguide/package.php

For more than 30 years, the leather community has rolled into Chicago to celebrate leather culture. The event now draws thousands from around the world to help crown the world's "hottest leathermen." Organizers say that attendees range form hardcore leather aficionados to the "just curious." The next IML will take place on Memorial Day Weekend. Thursday, May 21, 2009 through Monday, May 25, 2009.
The party sprawls across the city, but the main events will be headquartered at the Hilton Chicago.
And not to mention, the Vendor leather market. Vendors from all over the country will be there And who couldn't find something to make your little kinky hearts skip a beat. I'm pretty sure I could. Now, I just need to find me some kinky friends. Or kinky-er friends. Mine won't go.
Not even with the lure of the possibility of ....Tony Buff. You don't know Tony Buff? O-M-G.
I WILL HAVE TO POST PICTURES! It really is hard finding pictures of him with clothes on. But without clothes...holy mother....
Now, I have no confirmation that he will be there this year, But he is a Titan man, and Washington states Mr Leather 2002. And one hot mother...but I digress....
There will be numerous vendors large and small. I would hope Titan would send a rep for their new RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) extreme fetish line videos. Which I've seen a four minute clip of on the Titan website and all I can say is WOW! I can't wait to see the entire thing.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Castle

CASTLE. ABC MONDAY NIGHTS.

A murder-mystery writer and a detective team up to catch a serial killer who is reenacting murders from his books. Once the case is solved, the unlikely pair continue to work together to probe New York City's most unusual homicides.

It stars Nathan Fillion, as Richard Castle some of you might remember him from Firefly. Always liked him. I really enjoyed the first episode, thought it was pretty wonderful actually.

Friday, March 06, 2009

My dreams of panic

Ever since everything that happened to me, happened to me last October, I wake up in the middle of the night, searching frantically for ... something. I find that I'm in a panic to find what ever I'm looking for. At first I wasn't sure what it was, all I knew was I was forgetting something. Something that was dying. Starving, alone, and I was forgetting about it/them?

As time has gone on I still wake myself up looking for them. I know they are in an aquarium with a screen top. I know they are some type of turtle or something with a shell. And I feel like I have 'forgotten' to feed them, to take care of them and they are dying or have died and I have suddenly 'remembered' that I had 'forgotten' them. Confusing, I know, you should be me. I jump out of bed, and start tearing the bedroom apart, throwing clothes around, moving things, frantically looking for this tank. I'm in a panic to find these poor things that I've forgotten to take care of. Then I begin to wake up and realize that there are no such creatures in my house and never have been.
I know this isn't my brain messing with a memory, because not even as a kid did I have turtles or any type of shell creatures. The only things we ever had in a tank were fish and later two hamsters who lived long and happy lives.
So, I have no idea what this panic is, or what it means. And this all began way before my stress level went through the roof and the bill collectors began calling every five minutes.


So, what does it all mean? I welcome your opinions.

Make me a Supermodel...Colin



This is Colin. Isn't he adorable? he is one of this season's Supermodels on Bravo's MAKE ME A SUPERMODEL.

I do love the geeks and nerds. And this one is just precious.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Season two of MAKE ME A SUPERMODEL.

New season of MAKE ME A SUPERMODEL begins Wed March 4th at 9c on Bravo tv.

Set your bat channels and bat stations. There are new models to watch and enjoy. Alas no Ronnie's or Casey's. But 16 new faces and bodies to Oogle and drool over.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Cookie sheets.

I seriously want to know the difference between non stick baking sheets.
I have three different types. Two I spent an arm and a leg on not this Christmas but last and have done everything except sacrifice small children and animals to some ancients gods to keep them from sticking and some new ones from IKEA.

Let's start with the expensive ones. I bought two from Kohl's two Christmas' ago. One is a FOOD NETWORK non stick cookie sheet and I spent 16.99. The other is a RUBBERMAID and I spent 13.99. Now let me say, I only bought them because my old Walmart ones were in dire need of being thrown out and I was going too COOKIE day the following day, and it was double employee discount day and there was a blizzard raging outside...you get the picture. Anyhow, those damn expensive cookie sheets STICK EVERY TIME I use them. EVERY TIME! I should have brought them back, but I kept trying to figure out how to get them to not stick, then they looked like crap and I was embarrassed to bring them back.
So, fast forward to this Christmas. I was shopping at IKEA I saw 3.99 baking sheets, and thoughts, what the hell. I bought two, and guess what? THEY ARE WONDERFUL, AND NOTHING STICKS TO THEM. Go figure. My oatmeal cookies today just came right off, not one held on for dear life. So, take that FOOD NETWORK.
I have never bought anything FOOD NETWORK before these cookie sheets and by god I'll never buy anything FOOD NETWORK again.
I have to say though, I do have other Rubbermaid items I have had for years with no complaints so, not sure what the deal was with these stupid cookie sheets.

Friday, February 06, 2009

Zombies come to Illinois

Have you heard? Zombies have made it to southern Illinois. Yep. They there were even signs along the highway saying so. And IDOT Illinois department of transportation is not happy about it.
According to WGN CHANNEL NINE NEWS:

Drivers in downstate Illinois near Collinsville saw an interesting sign along I-255.It was supposed to read: daily lane closures, drive safely. Instead, it said daily lane closures due to zombies. I-Dot doesn't think it's funny. Officials worried people would get into accidents looking at that sort of thing. Last week, drivers in Austin, Texas saw similar signs reading "Nazi zombies ahead run" and "the end is near" on their roads. Despite the warnings, there were no actual zombie sightings. Officials think in both cases, someone hacked into computers to change the messages.

....no shit Sherlock's. Yeah think? But I gotta say, my money is on Texas to kick some Nazi zombie ass. If anyone would be up for a zombie fight it would be Texas. They'd see those signs and think. "Hell yeah, let's go and get those bastards." Here...they just turned around and caused accidents."
But, in all honesty, upon seeing an IDOT sign flashing saying ZOMBIES AHEAD. I'd have to think about that one. If it were a little flimsy flashing sign on the side of the road. Yeah, I'd keep going. But if they had hacked into those HUGE over the interstate IDOT signs. You know the kind that show the missing kids and weather and bulletins.....I'm turning around and going home. I'm not up to fighting zombies, thank you very much.
My son Patrick on the other hand said he'd keep going. He'd want to see the zombies. Yep, I told him he'd be one of the first to get his brain eaten too. And no doubt he'd be one of those people standing on the roof holding a big welcome sign when the mother ship came down for first contact too. Putz...he's gonna get blown up, just like in Independence Day. Or there gonna eat him. Yep. No more Patrick. I'm staying at home.

Wonder where the zombies will head next? Texas and then Illinois. Where will they go to next.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

FOOL FOR LOVE


Is romance over in this age of online cruising and anonymous hook-ups? For anyone who believes that love has left the building, here is an exhilarating collection of new gay fiction designed to reignite your belief in the power of romance. Follow the travails of a dog walker enchanted with his new client; check out the restaurant owner who catches the eye of his most loyal customer; don't miss the blind date fix-up, as they stumble upon romance and a chance at real love.


About the editors:Timothy J. Lambert is a prolific writer whose stories have appeared in Best Gay Love Stories, Best Gay Love Stories: New York City, and The Mammoth Book of New Gay Erotica. He also selected and introduced Best Gay Erotica 2007. R.D. Cochrane has published short stories and two novels A Coventry Christmas and A Coventry Wedding. Together they have co-authored several novels including When You Don't See Me, Three Fortunes in One Cookie, The Deal, It Had To Be You, He's The One, I'm Your Man and Someone Like You. Both currently reside in the great state of Texas.

Authors:
David Puterbaugh
Mark G. Harris
Shawn Anniston
Brandon M. Long
Felice Picano
Rob Byrnes
Trebor Healey
Joel Derfner
Josh Helmin
Jeffrey Ricker
Paul Lisicky
Nathan Burgoine
Rob Williams
Andrew Holleran
Greg Herren
John H. Roush

I borrowed this from Rob. Oh hell, I stole it. Out right. But, it does deserve each and everyone to run out and pick it up. With a line up like this how can it not be splendid and fabulous.

Sunday, February 01, 2009

Bruce Springsteen

So, anyone happen to catch Bruce Springsteen during, or should I say BEING the halftime show? well, if not, YOU MISSED OUT. He was a showman. Twenty five years later, but still a showman. Sure, there was a moment I thought he might have a heart attack but hey, I probably would have had one too if I were jumping around like he was.
I saw him way back in 84 I think. And let me say, it was something. Along with a hundred thousand other fans general admission ticket holders at Chicago's stadium, where the BEARS play, and you can only begin to imagine what a nightmare that was. No, really think about a HUNDRED THOUSAND RUNNING, SCREAMING, SHOVING, STAMPEDING, RUTHLESS, people trying to get onto the the field. A HUNDRED THOUSAND PEOPLE, people. NEVER AGAIN! And we didn't even head towards the field and we were nearly killed.

I had to laugh though when he sang TENTH AVENUE FREEZE OUT tonight and called my married 26 year old daughter. When she was two years old she would sing snippets of Bruce's songs. Maybe she was a fan. But truth be told she sang snippets because that was all I played. lol. She knew a line or two of a dozen or so and sang them like a parrot. She sang Tenth avenue freeze out. She sang. "Rosalita come sit by my fire..." and a hand full of others all on cue. And trust, I got her to sing them all of the time. Oh come on, she was two and cute as a button.

Any how, back to Bruce and the halftime show. He was good. The twelve minutes or so they were on. I know he has a new album out and a soundtrack to THE WRESTLER or something. But after this performance, I betcha you can say....TOUR DATES. I don't know this for sure. But I can pretty much guess that's where this is coming from or heading towards.
And I wish them all the best. But unless I have a ticket with a seat number, I won't be attending. Heaven knows my deal with general admission. I've learnt my lesson on that account. I get all sweaty and nervous even when I do have a seat and people start standing up and moving around. "SIT DOWN PEOPLE, THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TICKETS." No, one ever listens. That's why I want a whistle. But, Jodie and Megan says no, I can't have one. I'd be obnoxious with a whistle. And I would be, I know it. But, someone needs to be the hall monitor in those places.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

A witch called my name

I ran into a witch today. A witch I had known before, but one whom I didn't recognize until it was too late. I was walking into Krogers and I heard my name. I turned to see who was calling my name and there she was, smiling at me. I knew I knew her but not from where. I suppose the blank look on my face gave me away and she said her name. I then knew who she was right off. at that point I felt one of my protective guides move up behind me and put his arms around me, gently around my waist. Like a boyfriend, sort of. I could gently feel him behind me, which shouldn't have surprised me.
A few years ago when I first started taking classes through a shop a few towns over, one of the women who was in a few of the beginning spirit guide classes was this woman who claimed was a witch who held her own classes. This is where I met my dear friend Karen who was our teacher and instructor. So, this lady came to a few classes and offered a scrying class. Being new to everything I signed up, paid my twenty bucks and went to the to the class. First red flag was the class was to be held at her house and not the store. Not a big deal I figured. There were other names on the list, I wasn't going to be alone, so there shouldn't be any problem.
So on the appointed time, I showed up at her house, a nice little house, on a nice little street, with other nice little houses, in a nice little sub division. I went in and was lead into a room that was her seance/office/ work room. Come to find out, I was the only student, and was alone in the house with her and her husband. He popped his head in and said hello and then was gone. We got started and I tried to dismiss my butterfly's and concentrate on what she was trying to teach me, but about twenty five minutes into the 'class' one of my spirit guides spoke loudly and persistently into my ear.
"No one knows where you are!"
That got my attention.
I sat there for a moment. She continued to talk. I closed my eyes and tried to 'feel' around the house. I didn't like what I was picking up.
"It is time to go. NOW!"
I opened my eyes and said while she was still talking. "I have to go." she looked stunned. I stood up. And put on my coat. I was putting on my shoes as I was walking towards her front door.
"Did I do or say something to offend you? Let me give you a partial refund. Wait here a minute."
As I was reaching for the door knob my guides voice said louder. "Go NOW!" "NO, you didn't do anything, keep it as a tip." I practically ran to my car. I never saw the woman again, until today.
I sat in my car with the doors locked. Watching her neighbors come and go thinking how John Wayne Gacy's nice little house probably looked nice and normal too.
I often wondered what her husband was up too, or was maybe even just thinking. But, when my guides are that loud and pushy, I don't argue.

So, today when she stopped me at Krogers, and I felt him come up and put his arms around me, I wondered if he was making faces or anything at her. lol. She never let on that she sensed him or could see him though. And I honestly, don't know which one he was. Back then I didn't know there names or what one did from another.

Since all of this has happened to me with my health and I feel helpless and defenseless a LOT, I do feel the protecting ones stepping forward more, to pick up the slack. Hopefully they know that if I'm confused and out of sorts that my reaction time is way off, that I need someone to watch my back, and front more. lol. And they really have been picking up the slack. And I'm grateful.
It is a little weird when they get touchy feely though. But it doesn't happen hardly at all. Although in this case I really think he was throwing it back into her face. I wonder what was up with her and her husband that day? but in all honesty, I don't want to know.