Ever since everything that happened to me, happened to me last October, I wake up in the middle of the night, searching frantically for ... something. I find that I'm in a panic to find what ever I'm looking for. At first I wasn't sure what it was, all I knew was I was forgetting something. Something that was dying. Starving, alone, and I was forgetting about it/them?
As time has gone on I still wake myself up looking for them. I know they are in an aquarium with a screen top. I know they are some type of turtle or something with a shell. And I feel like I have 'forgotten' to feed them, to take care of them and they are dying or have died and I have suddenly 'remembered' that I had 'forgotten' them. Confusing, I know, you should be me. I jump out of bed, and start tearing the bedroom apart, throwing clothes around, moving things, frantically looking for this tank. I'm in a panic to find these poor things that I've forgotten to take care of. Then I begin to wake up and realize that there are no such creatures in my house and never have been.
I know this isn't my brain messing with a memory, because not even as a kid did I have turtles or any type of shell creatures. The only things we ever had in a tank were fish and later two hamsters who lived long and happy lives.
So, I have no idea what this panic is, or what it means. And this all began way before my stress level went through the roof and the bill collectors began calling every five minutes.
So, what does it all mean? I welcome your opinions.