Love ya all.

I love you guys!

I'm so tired of living like I'm being held hostage. Always walking on egg shells. Just wanted to say Merry Christmas and I hope you all have a wonderful New Year if I don't talk to any of you.

Tomorrow morning my phone/cable/Internet gets shut off because he won't pay it. So, no TV of any kind, we don't have an outside antenna. My cars transmission went out, so I don't even have a car until he comes home from work. So I have to depend on his mood if I need to go anyplace. I hate this. I've never had to rely on other people. I hate it.

He's now in the living room, screaming, and throwing things, because he's a bully. This bill and the box of others have been in the TO PAY box for over a month. I pay half my paycheck each week out for doctor bills, insurance, what have you. But still it's my fault in some way that he has no money. Each week, his check is a day short or he says. He leaves here each morning at the same time, comes home at the same time, yet they short him all the time. BULLSHIT!
I don't know where he goes or with whom, but it's not to work evidently. The landlord needs her money. Behind two months. How the hell is this possible? he makes good money, yet we have nothing. Christmas is in two weeks. Yeah, that's gonna be festive.

I'm just so tired of it all. So, I'll check in when I can. I'm going to Jodie's on Friday, god willing and the creek don't rise. So, I'll read your blogs then.

Love you guys.

Debbi

UPDATE:
I left for awhile and when I came home at around nine...he had written a check for the phone/cable/internet bill. If he had the money, why didn't he just pay it earlier instead of screaming and breaking things? I don't get it. I did a phone payment at no charge so its paid.