Sunday, April 30, 2006

Mr. International Leather, Chicago

Anyone going? I'd love to go, but, can never find anyone willing to go. Jodie??? Even if it were only to go to the LEATHER MARKET. I think that would be fantastic. A real eye opener for someone, Jodie????? lol, and before you guys get the wrong idea, Jodie is not into anything kinky. Me, I just love a guy in leather. And if he is a bottom, and helpless, all the better. Jodie, have I totally embarrassed you by now? sorry chica, you know me.
I wish I was twenty again, and had a special guy who wanted to play. Once upon a time, there was a boyfriend, first boyfriend actually. He taught me things I had never thought about before. Ok, I admit I had thought about them, but had never said it out loud. Who knew, some men liked to have there behinds worked on. lol. I sure didn't. And was I totally surprised to meet his husband years later at a street fair? no, not at all. But, alas the seed of interest had been planted. We had a lot of fun in the years we were together, but, I then married the vanilla putz I married, and all the fun went out the window. Sooo, anyone interested in going to MR. INTERNATIONAL LEATHER???? Come one, some one must want to go and check out the leather boys in bondage, I can't be the only one.

May 25-29
Palmer House Hotel, Chicago.

See ya all there.


Friday, April 28, 2006

Charlaine Harris

If anyone doesn't know who this author is, you must check her out. She has written a few different series of books. And they are all great! I adore the Vampire series. They are easy to read and are in the category of "You can't put them down till you have finished them." Truly a gift.

The Southern Vampire novels:
Dead until Dark
Living Dead in Dallas
Club Dead
Dead to the World
Dead as a Doornail.
And the newest one due out next week...
definitely Dead.

Shakespeares Trollop
Shakespeares Counselor
Shakespeares Landlord

Grave Sight.

And for anyone living in the Chicago area...she is going to be doing a reading/ signing on May 12. 2006, at the Borders in Oak Brooke at 7 pm.

I'm so excited to meet her. Love her books.
And they have signed on to do The Southern Vampire series on HBO. The creator of Six Feet Under will be creating and producing this show. I can't wait for this one. I truly hope they pick a HOT HOT actor who can actually act and sexy as hell to play Erik the Vampire sheriff. And don't get all excited thinking he is really a sherrif wearing chaps. Nope, he runs a nightclub for the vamps. But, was a Viking when made a vampire, so he has long blond hair and IS sexy as hell. And he is more Bi I believe. it getting hot in here? Whew.


Night Stalker, the series

Anyone ever watch the old Night Stalker show? I used to love this one too. Carl Kolchak was such a bumbling nitwit most of the time, but, he always did figure out what the creature or monster or 12th century knight wanted. lol.
I did see a promo for a new series coming to sci fi channel at some point, but haven't been able to find any information on the new show or who will even play Carl. Gotta watch for this. Lets just hope they don't ruin it, like HGTV ruined CASH IN THE ATTIC. I love the BBC version, but, HGTV just crapped it all to hell, in my little humble opinion. And where is the charming auction sidekicks? It's not the same without Alistair Appleton.


Tuesday, April 25, 2006

...Song stuck in my head...GET IT OUT!

You ever hear a song or someone mentions a particular song and you get it stuck in your brain? Well, I have one and it was fine for the first few hundred times I hummed it. Now, it must just go. But, I'm afraid if I try and listen to something else, that too will get stuck.

At class tonight, someone mentioned the old Melanie song...I'VE GOT A BRAND NEW PAIR OF ROLLERSKATES, YOU HAVE A BRAND NEW KEY..." And that's all it took. I started to un-intenentially hum it. MAKE IT GO AWAY.
Ok, I admit, it's not the worst song to have stuck in your head. I can think of another. But then if I mention it...That one will replace this one. Or dear god I will then have both of them stuck on replay.

I'll give hints: you hear it at Disney? It was in the lion king, the movie? NO NO, it's trying to invade....
...I can't hold out...

...It's a...


...Small world...



Ok, good luck with get either of those out of your head anytime soon. Sorry, I needed to share.


Wednesday, April 19, 2006

The white trailer trash aisle at Wal-Mart

And before anyone gets their panties in a bunch...I LOVE the white trailer trash aisle. Let me explain.
I was at Wal-Mart today and I came to the sad realization that they don't really, truly have the trailer trash aisle all year. But at Christmas time it is like Santa and the tooth fairy all rolled into one.

I've informed my friends and family for years that if they feel the need to get me anything for Christmas, I would greatly appreciate anything from the 'white trailer trash aisle at Wal-mart' and alas, they just don't believe me.

How can any one not enjoy those gift sets? They are classic, and useful to boot.
There are all sorts of different gift boxes, just for anyone on your Christmas list. There are any numbers of terrific choices to make, here are just a few. (Pencils out, this is next years Christmas list for little o me.)

1. The amazing set of four different types of Fajita marinades, with a authentic cast iron skillet. No, one would return this one, I'm thinking.

2. The colorful Margarita set, complete with colorful red plastic pitcher and four glasses. You even get enough mix to make any boring family gathering a hoot. You just need to stop by the 'drink and guzzle' on the way home for the booze.

3. The adorable set of four Tony the Tiger cereal bowl set, it even comes with individual serial boxes, and it even comes spoons. A life saver for the kids, the morning after you open up the terrific Margarita gift set.

4. The overly cute M&M candy dispenser. Who could go wrong with this classic I ask?

And there are many more great gifts to be found in that aisle. Anyone on your list who is into...John Deere? Hershey? Or anything cow/chicken/farm animal motif? Well, you will find them right there. That list will dwindle in minutes with just one trip down the Wal-Mart gift set aisle.
And I haven't even mentioned the health and beauty gift sets....

...Oh, and then there are those always welcome Borders books and music gift cards, if you just can't bring yourselves to go down the Wal-Mart aisle without thinking of those banjo players from Deliverance. I do understand.

But, remember...
For the best selection, you might want to start shopping the White Trash trailer Aisle right after Halloween. The best ones do seem to go fast.
:hint: check out the homegrown maple syrup with pancake mix in a darling little cloth bag. OMG, only six and a half months till they put it all out. Whew, thank goodness I have already posted my list to Santa.


Oprah and her damn book club

Can someone? Anyone? Explain to me why Oprah thinks she is the only person in the known world who knows how to open a book and read it??
Ok, granted, she has brought to attention a lot of good books, and has single handedly revived actually going out and buying a book. But, damn, come on...There are some of us out here who actually do know how to find a book, open it, read the back and buy it. Shit, there are still even a few libraries out there some where too. And they do have more than videos to check out, I think.

I personally believe that Oprah should start to really think about her Karma. You know she has racked up a ton of bad shit over the last few years. Maybe the Karma fairy decided that because of the all the good Oprah thought she was doing with her Book Club for idiots, that she deserved some bad brownie points. Well, I want to know which staffer or suit talked her into hiring Dr. Phil. BAD BAD KARMA!
For the record...I HATE DR. PHIL. HATE HIM, HATE HIM, HATE HIM. I don't know anyone more annoying than Dr Phil. And I know a lot of annoying damn people, trust me.

And if I have to see one more MATCH.COM freaking commercial with him brow beating some poor girl about 'staring' in her own life, I will barf. No, not the "oops, a little puke came back up in my throat" type barf, but the 'No time to get to the bathroom, I'm gonna explode all down the hall' type of barf. Now, that is bad. And Dr. Phil equals bad, in my opinion.

Ok, back to her book revival. I guess, I can forgive her for trying to force books down the throats of the public, if she would just publicly - Kill Dr. Phil. Oh, Hell, I'd even agree for a week in the good old stocks in the center of town. As long as he couldn't tell us what kind of loosers we were for watching him being publicly debased.

I could live with that! And I'd even agree to read the book about it. The book you know damn well would follow, in a matter of weeks.


Monday, April 17, 2006

My Basement

First off thank you Hanuman and Jodie for thinking of me yesterday.

And now the story of my scarry basement.

And NOPE I won't go into that basement.
To get to my basement you have to go into the mud room, close the door, step against the wall, pull open the trap door in the floor. Then desend nine very steep steps, the floor is nothing but mud and its dark and cobwebbie. Not to mention things scurying around. The only reason I've ever gone down there is the electric box is down there on the far wall. Otherwise, 'they' can keep it all to themselves.
My biggest fear is getting trapped down there. Once you pull up the trap door, which weighs probaby twenty pounds, it is up. And god forbid it should fall back down and the door should move an inch, you would be trapped down there. NOT ME BABY! Not taking that chance. In fact, tornado or not, I'm taking my chances in the bathtub, NOT the hole under my house.

Now, if it had one of those doors to the outside, I might go down there. If I had another way out.

And as for the ghosts Jodie was talking about...I TOOK THEM HOME GIRL, STOP COMPLAINING. LOL.
Every house I've ever lived in, has been haunted. Maybe not when I moved in, but they were when I moved out. I just attact them I guess.


...we're not in Kansas anymore Toto.

So, did everyone survive Easter with their families and partners?? I know it's really hard to make it through a holiday sometimes.
I wasn't actually gonna do 'a dinner' just throw a ham or turkey breast on the grill... but, oh no, it didn't turn out that way.

First, my oldest daughter and her husband called at noon, saying "Were on our way" "And where are you going?" I asked, hoping like hell it wasn't to MY house. No such luck. Yep, they had decided to come over for Easter Dinner. Oh Shit! Yes, I had enough food, but wasn't planning on 'doing' a dinner. I had an hour to mop the kitchen floor, and start putting everything together. I even had to send daughter two to the only open store to pick up a few more things...including Forks. I didn't have enough forks. I have no idea what happens to them, but I was two short.

...they arrive, the forks arrive, I look outside...and the sky was turning black. It had been raining on and off all morning, but now it really looked like a storm was coming.
I put the turkey AND ham into the oven instead of the grill. Good thing, the sky opened up an hour later and it rained non stop for hours.
Oh, I forgot to mention, we had a tornado during dinner. Yep, a real twister. Only thing, we didn't even know it. We live waaaay out on the edge of our little tiny town and don't hear the sirens. But, my friend Jo called later saying she say on the news that, yes indeed a tornado had come right into our little world.

I know when it came through, although I didnt know it at the time...We were sitting in the kitchen eating, when lightening was hitting all around the yard. The basketball poll and back board were waving and bending. You couldn't even see to the other side of the field. It was all foggy. The lights blinked, the roof sounded like it was coming off...and then it was gone. The rain continued the rest of the night though.
Around seven tonight, another one popped up and we got it again. No damage though, thank goodness.
So, I don't know which is worse, family or tornados. Years ago as a new mother and wife, I would have taken tornados and blizzards over my mother in law any day of the week. What a controlling witch she was. Bitter? me? nah, I'm not still mad and bitter, nope not me.

So, I hope everyone had a great day, ever how it went.


Sunday, April 16, 2006


Happy Easter to All. No matter how you celebrate it, I hope it is a great day for you. Whether it is a faithful day, or more chocolate bunny's and colored eggs, may it bring you what you need.

I actually miss doing the baskets and hiding the eggs. Ok, maybe for just a minute, I lapse into the young mother wanting to give my kids every thing society says I must give them. The bigger and Better. But, I gotta tell ya, after a few years of doing the eggs, I passed it back to MY mother. Her eggs were always better anyhow. I began to hate doing the pretty eggs.
The buying of the eggs, the boiling of the eggs, the mixing of the vinegar and dye, the mess that followed, and all the same colored looking eggs. Ok, so my kids were a little Easter egg challenged when it came to the colors. The dog didn't mind.
The 'dog' was and still is a yellow lab. He is now 14 and has doggie alzheimers. But back in the day, we would hide the eggs, and HE would hide behind us and eat them once we werent looking. Honestly, one year he ate three dozen hard boiled eggs, shells and all. Didn't seem to bother his cholesterol at all, he's still with us.

So, maybe someday I'll have a grandchild to make baskets for...WHO am I kidding? I don't want to do baskets and eggs EVER, EVER again. I like handing my kids twenty bucks, and saying HAPPY EASTER! No mess, no fuss, and then it's over with.
Amen to that!

Wednesday, April 12, 2006


Ok, all I can say about tonight's class is....Remember "Stuart Smalley from saturday night live? ("I'm good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me!" Well, that's basically what I kept thinking tonight while we were listening to the self help crap tape someone brought. And, that the lady doing the narration couldn't be SANDRA BERNHARD. All I could picture during the LOOONG damn tape was of her gap spaced teeth. And then I would flip back to...."I'm good enough, smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like me. I like myself." So, maybe not the most productive of classes.

I know I should have tried to get into the right frame of mind, but 'darn' it, I'm not paying fifteen dollars to have Sandra Bernhard telling me that I'm LOOOVED, LOOOOVED, LOOOVED. If that tape had said how much I was LOOOOVED one more time, I think I would have chucked it out the 'darn' window.

Oooo K. I'm better. Nothing like a little venting to clear the ol chaukras and make me feel new and refreshed. And throwing a cassette player out into the front yard would have made me extremely happy and feeling fruitful.
Maybe, I'd be better off taking a karate or maybe kick boxing class instead? All this namby pamby I AM LOOOOVED crap just gets under my all too thin skin sometimes. OOOOH Breath...Breath..."

...Off to class!

Ok, I'm off to my Wednesday class. Which is EVERYTHING psychic and spiritual. Tonight...We are working on Chakras and working with Pendulums. Fortran telling basics. Soon...I'll be able to put on my star and moon ear rings and set up a card table with a purple tablecloth and be able to tell your furture. Hmmm, lets see...I see in my crystal ball for myself...a new lover, a new home, and something big, juicy and yummy year round...I see oranges. DAMNIT I need a new crystal ball! ORANGES..ORANGES..ORANGES are NOT what I want in my...Future. Ok, I'm on my way out the door, I'm feeling a little bit a rebel tonight, I'm gonna where my HANSON tee shirt. I dare them to snicker or laugh out loud at me. And they best not even try that going to the bathroom in packs thing. I'm a psychic I'll know what they are snickering about. Where is my Wand..

Monday, April 10, 2006

I have five new friends

Today, I went out to check on the five little pigs. They are so funny. Each with a different look and personality. I can't help but think one of them looks like a mobster. He's larger and porkier than the others and the way he carries himself makes me think of someone from the sopranos. I've been calling him Fat Tony. Did you know that pigs LOOOVE popcorn? nope, me neither.
I had been looking for a large tin of some kind to put extra kitchen crap into. Well, I finally gave up and bought those large round tins filled with popcorn. You know the ones. They sell them now for all the holidays, they are filled with different kinds of popcorn? well, no one here eats it, so it's been sitting in really large ziplock bags since Valentines day. So, today I took it out there and poured it out for the pigs. THEY WENT NUTS FOR IT! And as they all were being happy, wagging their little swirly tails, I started calling them over...And Frankie the Snitch, he just was happy as a pig in shit.
As for the others...I'm not sure what I'll finish naming them. But I don't think they'll let me take them to the fair with names like...Frankie the Snitch, Fat Tony, Cousin Carmine, Paulie Walnuts and Bob. Ok, Bob, it's very mobster like, but, It sort of of fits him. Maybe, he could be married to the mob.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

50 things about myself

1. I’m a female.
2. I’m married, sort of.
3. I have three kids, two girls and a boy.
4. I have four dogs.
5. I belong to one cat.
6. My oldest dog has doggie Alzheimer’s.
7. I've lived in three haunted houses.
8. I tend to attract ghosts where ever I go.
9. I’m a little psychic. Or is that psycho?
10. I’m a writer.
11. I write everything from sci fi to erotica.
12. All my stories have at least one gay character.
13. I write gay male on male erotica.
14. I’m taking classes on how to read tea leaves.
15. I don’t drink tea.
16. I don’t like tea.
17. I am a Pepsi addict.
18. I have a mouse living in my printer.
19. My kids raise 4H show pigs.
20. I know what the four H’s mean.
21. They are not HIM, HOT, HUNG, AND HANDSOME.
22. Was a 4H leader. For about a minute and a half.
23. My kids were terrified the sticks in the mud would find out about number 13.
24. Love the TEN TENORS.
25. Have seen them twice in person.
26. Love gay fiction.
27. Adore gay sci fi.
28. I’ve been madly, deeply and truly in love twice.
29. My husband wasn’t either of them.
30. I’ve been madly, deeply and truly in like five times.
31. I’ve had boy crushes.
32. I’ve had girl crushes.
33. I’ve had my heart broken three times.
34. My husband WAS one of those.
36. I love Dr.Who.
37. I want a grandchild

38. I love puppy breath
39. I’ve lived in three haunted houses.
40. Only two of them were haunted at the get go.
41. I’m a book addict
42. I always cry at the end of GHOST WHISPERER
44. If I could look like anyone…Keira Knightly
45. Redoing my bedroom in Victorian pinks and greens.
46. And I’m not a real girly girl. In my opinion anyhow
47. I will always fight for the underdog.
48. I’m a sucker for puppies.
49. I know I’ve had past lives.
50. I’m not good at thinking of things about myself.


Well, tomorrow more pigs come to live here. Nope, not talking about my son’s friends. REAL pigs. Yes, the oink oink ones. My kids raise, show and then sell show pigs at the county fair for 4H. They’ve gone through most of the fair animals; we’ve shown cows for 9 years. We did a stint with chickens, and goats. I must say that the goats…WERE INSANE!
So, naturally they moved into pigs. We’ve had all kinds over the last few years. And this year a new breed is making its way into our trophy case, I hope.
Now, I’ve never heard of this one, they are called INFINITY pigs. Don’t ask, I don’t know why.
But, just try thinking of a cool name for an infinity pig.
In the past we’ve had old rock bands names (fog=fog hat, Molly=molly hatchet, Lizzie=thin Lizzie and a slew of others that escape me at the moment. And my husband says he never got high, yeah right.) And my all time favorite…LESTAT, as in THE VAMPIRE LESTAT.
When he was born and I picked up his little squealing butt and looked at his face…I was hooked. This little pig looked like he had eyeliner on. I, who had just finished reading all of Ann Rice’ vampire novels, jumped on the chance to name him LESTAT. My daughter went along and agreed to show him as her pig.
She made me laugh when while working with the pig in the show arena, in front of all to see including the judges, Lestat just sat down and wouldn’t get up for nobody, and no amount of threatening or sweet talk for that matter could get him to move. She turned, red faced and told the judge…’His name is LESTAT…he’s a French pig, he doesn’t understand English…wee wee?” very cute, but she still didn’t win! Her brother did, with his pig…Sarge.

Back to the new dilemma. What should we name this new pig? I keep trying to make my family understand his name. He is an INFINITY pig. What is INFINITY? Where is INFINITY? Hey, what did Buzz Light-year say…”TO INFINITY AND BEYOND?” Why can’t the pig just have that little symbol? Hell, it worked for PRINCE, didn't it? at least for a little while. And why can't I find that little symbol anywhere???
Well, I can just see how it would go down…
“Next in the arena, is an INFINTIY PIG, SHOWN BY Megan…the pigs name is…(shows posterboard with the symbol drawn on it…”SYMBOL…FORMALLY KNOWN AS PIG?” No? No? I can see it. Geesh.
But she is leaning more towards the name GALAXY.
It’s not the greatest.
No where near Lestat status though, in my opion. I'm slipping.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

After posting about the mouse, my friend suggested I tell ya all about the 'creature'.
Yep, there is a mutant thing living in one of the barns. And nope, I don't live by any nuclear power plants or dump sites, (that I know of). Soooo, where did this thing come from? your guess is as good as mine.
A few years ago, I noticed this thing moving about in the shadows. I would back away slowly and then run like hell once I was out of the barn. Yeah, yeah, such a hard ass.
Well, everyone I asked about what it could be, or described what it looked like, people would just look at me as if I had included a hit of acid with my oatmeal. (I hadn't, I swear.) Ok, now imagine...a helpless little, hairless, grayish little mole. Right? now nuke him, stretch him and add about twenty five've got my mutant mole.
Now, she's not just any old mutant, this one has an attitude. Ok, granted, I haven't met many other mutants, but this one just seems to be very attitudie to me.

So, began our tenitive relationship with each other. I would whistle, or talk loudly when I was anywhere near the barn. She would hiss and glare at me. I swear she would twitch and had one slanted eye on the side of her head that twitched towards her shoulder. A psycho mutant mole. hmmm.
Well, one day it was bound to happen. ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. I sent my precious baby boy...stop laughing, he is too my precious baby boy, so what if he is taller than me now. Anyhow, I sent him to talk out the garbage, again...stopping laughing, he does too actually know where the garbage cans are. Never uses them, but he does know where they are. So, he goes out towards the barn and I hear and see him screaming this little girl shriek. Next thing I see is him running for his very life towards me, screaming, flailing his arms and running as if satan himself was poking him with his pitchfork. I grabbed the broom. Yep, a good broom can too protect your progengy from just about anything, mutant mole creatures included. I saw the very irate creature running after my son, hissing, spitting and just making a fuss like nothing I've ever seen before.
I honestly can't say what came over me, a calmness, a deep quiet, something jedi even. I stood my ground, broom at the ready. I waited in slow motion as my child streaked past towards the back door. I raised the broom, batt like, and I swung. It was like Robert Redford in that baseball movie. I saw the broom swing, I saw it connect with the moles jar, I watched in slow motion as its head SLOWLY swung backwards. Its jaws slowly opened. And then it fell back on its ass. I stood shocked. I suddenly thought what a bad idea this all was. Now, its gonna get up, kick my ass because it's really pissed off now. But, it didn't. It watched me, twitchy like. (both of us were indeed twitching) And she got up and slowly walked back towards the barn, now and then she would look over her shoulder back at me, grumbling all the while, mumbling under her breath, plotting her revenge no doubt.

For the rest of that summer she would just hiss and grumble when are paths crossed. She would still glare at me when she came out and walked past the house. I would grumble that I still had that broom if she ever wanted a rematch. She would still bitch at me, but our uneasy truce has lasted for a long while.
I see that she indeed has offspring of her own, now. Great, more asses to kick.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006


Yep, there is a mouse living in my printer…Ok, maybe “living” isn’t the right word. But he visits, often. And each time it scares the hell out of me. Out of the corner of my eye I’ll see quick movement, look over and see him dart into the paper slot. I’ve tried banging, yelling, and trying to explain to said intruder that he/she is not welcome to make runs through my printer. But, alas, he’s not listening. Ok, it must be a he mouse. Not that I have anything against the male gender in any way. But, having a husband and 15 year old son, I can see all too clearly see the signs of Involuntary deafness. I’ll explain. Just ask any 15 year old to take out the garbage…feed the dog…give the cat water. And they suddenly become Helen Keller.
But, mumble under your breath a mention of a trip to the mall, wal-mart, or anywhere there might be other cute teenagers, and it’s a MIRICLE, PRAISE THE LORD they can again hear and see, not to mention smell. Yep, ten minutes and clean shirt and half a bottle of Abercrombie stinky stuff, and they are ready to face the world.
So, I guess I should mention to said mouse that if he is going live in the printer then he has to change the ink cartridges, maybe then he will think twice about declaring squatters rights, if he has to actually DO something while in there.

Oh, and have I mentioned the mouse is driving the cat insane? She sits and sticks her paw inside trying to unlodge him. But, so far all she’s gotten is frustrated. After hours of trying to coax the rodent from his hiding place, she resorts to her fuzzy-fake-lets-get-the-cat-high-toy. Which you would think would actually give her the munchies and she would return to her quest to un-squat the squatter. But, so far she’s been too high to actually get back off the bed. And what is wrong with this stupid mouse? Does he have a death wish, or is he getting off on tormenting me and the cat??? Sly mouse, silly mouse. I can see the battle just beginning.

Sunday, April 02, 2006

commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Saturday, April 01, 2006


Hey there.
Glad to see you've peeked in. I think we'll all learn a lot about each other. I'm not one to be fit into any particular box. For instance...I'm a mom, I have been a 4H leader, I take tea leaf reading classes and I've seen ghosts. Oh...And I also write gay male fiction.
So, where do I belong? NOW NOW! None of that. I don't think I look good in institutional green.
But, welcome, and I hope you enjoy spying into my looking glass.