Friday, January 25, 2008

Red satin sheets.

I was reminded of something today that happened very early on in my marriage. There is a superbowl commercial were someone is sliding across the bed at high speed.

We being young, and wild and crazy, and decided to try out some satin sheets that we had received as a wedding gifts. No big deal right? Well, while my new husband lay waiting for me, I put on my sexiest little baby doll outfit. I stood in the doorway, showing off practically everything God had given me. Then with some encouragement from the new hubby, I ran to get into the waiting bed.

...only problem with that was, the sheets were satin, I was wearing satin, and when you introduce the two get a slip and slide.
I went to jump on the bed...instead of looking sexy and ready...I slide all the way across the full size mattress and off the other side, right onto the floor. I lay in a heap. Very sexy indeed.

At least the only thing that was hurt was my pride. But I never made that mistake again. I have no idea how you are suppose to sleep on satin sheets. I could never even keep the pillow under my head. It was like fighting to hold on all night. One move and you were ON the move. Move an inch and the pillow would shoot out from under your head like a rocket into the wall. I have no idea what ever became of those red satin sheets, but good riddance to them.

Make me a Supermodel.

Does anyone watch MAKE ME A SUPERMODEL? OMG is all I can say about Casey and Perry tonight.

...and I just want to slap the hell out of that little shit Franky.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The phantom hunchback

Did I mention that I now have a visual of the 'thing' living in my basement? yep, I picture him a cross between the hunchback of Norte Dame and the phantom of the opera. I can see him slinking off into the darkness.."Don't look at me. I'm horrible." with one little furry arm up shielding half his face.

Yeah, I have way to much imagination.

Anyhoo...hubby went downstairs because the pipes were frozen, or so we thought. Turned out the fuse box was sparking and the heating/plumbing/electrician had to rush out. In the mean time, hubby found that the duct work that connects my vent to the furnace...was disconnected.

HE HAS TOOLS? the phantom hunchback has tools and can take the duct work apart at will? eeek.

AHA!!! MAYBE IT'S NOT A JEHOVAH WITNESS, BUT BOB VILLA. Haven't seen him around in a while have we????

Ok, now the critter has a tool belt and low work pants showing off his crack. AAAHHHH!

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Dead rodent walking....

What is bigger? and badder? and meaner than your average rodent? and who just freaked me and the dog completely out?
I don't know either, but it just killed a large sounding rat in my heat vent. Soooooo, what could be bigger and badder than a rat? and be stalking rodents in my basement? I really don't want to know. As long 'it' stays in the basement or under the house or where ever away from me.
Yes, Murphy and I are freaked out, but I'm a bit intrigued as well. We heard a noise, Murphy and I both looked towards the heat vent. And the noise started squealing and yelling. Murphy jumped on the bed and stared at me. "I'm scared mommy." he seemed to be saying to me. Then the squealing suddenly stopped..." Murphy jumped down and inched his way over and looked in the vent. Nothing there. At least that we could see.
Honestly, what could it be? all three cats are accounted for. It could be another neighborhood cat I suppose who is under the house in the crawl space I guess. It is currently like -25 below zero with the wind chill outside, so everything that is usually OUTSIDE, has made their way INSIDE. At least under and sheltered. So, I wonder if there is maybe a way for outside things to somehow get inside through the basement? I honestly wouldn't know. I don't go down in that dungeon of a basement, not even when the tornado came within ten feet of my house. I'll take my chances up here with the living, thanks very much. That basement just creeps the hell right out of me.
It's really nothing more than a glorified cellar. It has mud floors, the oil tank, water heater and fuse box. I'll sit in the dark, before I go down there alone. The steps are planks with no backing, so if you've ever watched any kind of horror movie, you know what I'm always thinking? yep, hand through from behind, I will do falling, break something and have to try and crawl away from horrible thing hiding behind the steps. The trap door with slam shut, and my brain will be eatin by zombies or something just as horrible, perhaps that over zealous Jehovah witness who will NOT take the hint that I don't need any more WATCHTOWER pamphlets. Honestly people, how many can one person possibly read in one lifetime?
...I'm sorry, I digress...
So, the thing can have free reign down there as far as I'm concerned. Maybe he and the Watchtower guy can plan a take over of the government together. But don't count me in, I'm not interested in serving my brains up for just any old cocktail hour.

Sunday, January 06, 2008