Thursday, August 31, 2006


Today is my birthday. I am 42...Yet again. Actually I am 46. I can't believe it. Where did the last twenty years go? And to just bring the fact home today that I'm not twenty something...Not that I'd want to ever be twenty again, my oldest signed the papers on her new townhouse, damn she is a home owner. I'm so happy for her!

My fifteen year old has a drivers permit. Well, he will once I take him to take the test. Can I stall him till he's twenty four or five? I guess not. But, he's not driving my truck, unless I can get a new one. And THAT aint gonna happen, trust me.

I did find tickets for Megan to go to the Kenny Chesney concert on Saturday. And it is also her 18th birthday. Holy shit, shouldnt she still be three?

I can't wait for grand kids. Been trying out grandma names. Nana, meme, me mua, hey you, old lady. Don't know what I want to be called. But not grandma Deb. Ew.

Now, no one is expecting, not that I know of yet, but one can not be prepared enough. Hell, I've already bought boxes of baby clothes. Who can pass up brand new onesie that say..."I wish my babysitter was a hooters girl" But, if it belongs to my oldest daughter, and it best damn well belong to that one, I'll never get to keep the baby any how. Her mother in law will lock down that kid the minute it is born. She will have it to church more than it is home. And my little psychic gifts and cov..Meeting group, I'll never get to bond with it.

But, he will be mine in the end. I've already told my daughter that when she has a boy, he will be gay. I didn't get a gay son, but by Jupiter I best get a gay grandson.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Feeling, meme.

It should be my wedding day, but its not. It should be my daughters wedding, but its not. Wow, I might have issues there with weddings.
I think the most joyful I've ever felt was the first time someone read something I had written and loved it, and encouraged me to continue.

Wow, I can't place a certain time. I get angry at injustice. seeing people hurt other people and animals.

Looking down at the newborn in my arms. Three times.

Watching 9/11 on news reports as it was happening.

When my father whispered in my ear what he wanted to do to me. I was 15. My mother was in the other room. He had never done that before or after. But the damage was done. I never forgave him. Not even when they lowered him into the ground a few years later.

When my mom died.

When I lost my two year old in a store.

Monday, August 28, 2006


I received my temp schedule for Kohls and one of the things it says is CBT class.

...Well most of you know what came to my dirty mind. And NO it is not that, it stands for computer based training.


That could have been a fun afternoon. ;)

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Dreams? Why is it?

Why is it that while having a dream where you think something is so funny you could just die. Laughing and giggling, finding everything freaking hilarious... then wake up and upon remembering what you had just found so funny not five minutes ago, you decide...WTF? That wasn't in the least funny at all. Why are we so easily entertained in our dreams?

Friday, August 25, 2006


No, not mine. :0- On that subject all I can say is you DO NOT want to be in the same room with me if I eat broccoli. Holy Fart Machine Batman!

The price of gas. It is 2.99 here at a few stations. Which is wonderful. Now let's just hope it doesn't go up to five bucks a gallon.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Random thought...

On those FLIP THIS HOUSE shows....HOW THE HELL DO THOSE BARELY OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL PEOPLE GET A LOAN FOR 850 grand to buy a one story, one bath bungalow in California covered in mold and looking like something out of the Brady bunch?

Now, those three look like they don't have fifty cents among themselves and they have convinced a bank someplace to give them all that money. Not once but several times. HOW? HOW THE HELL?

Monday, August 21, 2006

New happenings in my life.

I am now on a new allergy med, ZYRTEC, to see if it might help with the Vertigo, and knock on wood it does seem to be helping.
Six days into the fair I had a bad attack. Couldn't come back for two days. The doctor thought maybe, perhaps, outside chance, but probably not... Gee I think he might need to take something for that...
Thought/guessed that it had been tripped by being surrounded by all the animals. Could be, who knows. Or it could have been that potato covered in cheese, or the upteemth elephant ear I ate or the breeze lightly blowing forty miles away, who knows, I surely don't. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed because it seems to keep the vertigo at bay, granted only at bay a few feet. It always seems to be sneaking around someplace to just waiting to jumped me at some un-suspecting moment.

I got a job today. I've really wanted this part time job. It's at KOHLS. The department store. It is brand new and they won't even have the keys until Friday.
I applied last week and they did call and check my references and friends. So, I thought I had made a good impression. Over the three days they took applications they saw 1500 people. Yep, 1500. Can you believe that? that just goes to show that everyone needs a job, and that there arent any.
I was one of 200 that did get one of them. I feel great. I got the hours I wanted, and I will be walking around the store doing recovery. Have no idea what else it will include but I don't care. IT WILL GET ME OUT OF MY HOUSE AND AWAY FROM MY FAMILY!! I should pay them.
Ooh and there is a 15% discount. Gotta love that. And you can use the discount on top of markdowns and sales items. Love that. I go for orination on Friday. And I guess I'll find out when we start to build the store from the floor up.
I've done that once before at a card store. MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of cards. And if I never see another cabbage Patch Doll head eraser my life will be complete. It will.

Oh and I've been subpoenaed. Yep, I have to go to court on Oct 30. Can't I tell them I'm a witch and that is a holiday? Think they will buy that? No? Yeah, I didn't think so either.
Damn, I don't want to do this. I've already given my deposition, I've told them everything I can remember, but no, they won't just pay the damn woman. Why? Why do I have to be the only one who kinda saw what happened?
This happened four years ago. Shit, I can't remember what I had for dinner last night. How the hell do I know what kind of shoes this woman wore when she fell? Christ.

I was working at Dollar General. I happened to be the only one at the register and a woman leaned over a box with two or three liter bottles of coke in her arms. She became top heavy and tumbled into the shelving. Well this caused an avalanche of other shelving, with bottles rolling everywhere. When she fell she broke bones and had to taken to the hospital. Well, the company said it was her fault, her lawyer said it was the stores. And I'm stuck in the middle. The company made my life hell and I finally quit a few months later. Now four years later they have tracked me down and I have to go to court for her.
And now the other employees who were NO WHERE around, much less saw what happened, now all have different memories. They said they saw her fall, that they were just around the corner. BULLSHIT! I CALL BULLSHIT! I had to run all the way to the back of the store to find my manager.
And now I have to go and tell a judge and jury this. I HATE THIS!
Oh, and do you want to know how much my time is worth? $37.27. Yep, twenty dollars for me to sit there, and 17.27 for mileage. By October 30, gas might by 17.27.

I still think I can get away with the witch defense.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Recurring dream

I've had a variation on the same stupid dream for years. Not the one where you go to school naked, or aren't prepared for the big test...
But I am going to school, high school, even though I know I've already graduated the year before. No one else seems to notice or care that I don't belong there, that I've already done all this and don't need to take any more high school classes.

In one part I am in the office trying to figure out where exactly I should be? I have no idea what class I should be going to, or for that matter I have no idea what ANY of my classes are. I'm totally confused and lost.

In another similar dream, I am in school when I shouldn't be but I can't remember what order my classes are in and I know I haven't been to a math class or something in months and I'm terrified that when I do go into this class I will have no idea what they are doing.

Last night I was back in school again, but this time I am my age now and no one noticed that I was way to old to be in high school. I walked around trying to figure out where or what I should be doing but this time I didn't feel scared, more interested in what everyone else was doing.

I've wondered lately if this is because I have a daughter who is a senior this year and is talking collage and schools and going away...(locking her in and not letting her out till she's at least 36) but after thinking about it today I realized I've been having these same dreams for years. And they are always ALWAYS so frustrating when I wake up because even in the dreams I keep saying to myself or anyone else who will listen that I don't belong there that I'VE ALREADY DONE THIS! I'VE GRADUATED LAST YEAR, WHY AM I STILL HERE?

So tell me dream experts what do these dreams mean?

Friday, August 18, 2006

a book Meme

A meme from Doug and Hanuman.

1. One book you have read more than once: The lure, by Felice Picano. And Luck in the shadows, by Lynn Flewelling.

2. One book you would want on a desert island: Idiots guide to surviving on the desert island

3. One book that made you laugh. The grass is always greener, by Erma Bombeck.

4. One book that made you cry: Death among friends, by Michael Nava.

5. One book you wish you had written: Conjuring the flesh, By Brandon Fox.

6. One book you wish had never been written: I don’t know.

7. One book you are currently reading. Someone like you, by Timothy James Beck.

8. One book you have been meaning to read. L.A. Heat, by P.A. Brown.

9. One Book That Changed Your Life. Probably Chariots of the Gods by Erich von Daniken, or perhaps something on transcendental meditation. I think I read them in the early 70’s. I must have been like…12?

Can we say Geek? I had no friend at 12, but I was reading TM? and Chariots of the Gods? Holy Cow batman!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Greased lightening

You guys remember the song Greased Lightening from Grease? Well, I totally forgot to tell you about embarrassing my kids.
Now, you have to understand, I LOVE to embarrass my kids. I don't mean to the extent that cry or want to stab me to death in my sleep, but just a now and then to keep them on their toes. My kids have great senses of humor, sometimes dry, and often undertaker like, but still I love it that they find things funny and don't take me all that seriously. My kids actually like to hang out with me. I take that as a HUGE compliment.

Well Friday night was the 4H dance at the fair grounds. They always have a big dance in the show arena to celebrate the long week of shit they've gone through and to blow off some steam before the next days auction.

Well I was walking with Megan and a few of her friends...One or two I had never met before through the dairy barn heading towards the show arena. The dance had been going on for about an hour and the dj was blasting some pretty good songs. NO slow songs due to the fact last year kids were thrown out for ... uh... Getting to close. Get the idea? Yeah they were pretty much having sex right there in front of the pigs and the 4H gods themselves. So, this year the powers that be decided that no slow tunes would be allowed. So, this year they included a lot of 70 and 80 songs. Great songs too, along with the country that is a stable.
Well, Greased lightening came on and I couldn't help myself. You know the movie, John Travolta and the gang are singing the song on top of the car in the shop and they are doing the little dance, the one where you stick your arm up, then out to the side and then drop down on your knees and then out in front of you? Well, I did that. I did.
It started off innocently enough with just the arm up and out to the side. Then the music took over and I ... ARM UP, BACK DOWN, OUT TO THE SIDE, BACK DOWN, OUT IN FRONT. HIPS KEEPING BEAT, THEN I WENT DOWN WITH THE ARM OUT FRONT. Megs friends laughed, she grabbed me and held on. "MOM, DON'T. OH GOD DON'T" I laughed. "BUT...BUT ITS A GREAT SONG. DANCE WITH ME MEG!" she didn't dance. Party pooper.

I'm crazy. She knows this. Her friends know this. What's the big deal with dancing to Grease in the dairy barn at 11 at night? I'm sure Death and the cows liked it. Heck, the grim reaper needs a break now and then too.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Death comes a creepin'

In the past few days, death came to the county fair.
We've been going to this fair for ten years and I can't remember the last time something died. But within the last few days there was five.

Tuesday a chicken died. I know your thinking...IT'S A CHICKEN, that doesn't count. But it was the first.
Wed after the big pig show, a pig went into kidney failure and had to be put down. It wasn't one of ours though.

The next was a horse. This was horrible. All the kids were lining up for the parade of champions, all the 4 H clubs gathering to take the march into the show arena, when a horse with a girl rider suddenly bucked right next to the line of kids and tried to throw it's rider. The girl was hit hard when the horse reared back, its head hitting her's. She was thrown off and knocked out. The horse continued to buck, it stumbled, breaking it's neck, but not before the broken bones came through its neck with blood gushing every where. The 4 H parade quickly moved out of the way, police and paramedics rushed to grab the girl and protect the crowds. The horse was still alive and they quickly sedated it. The horse did not die right then like I thought it would. They kept injecting him, trying to stop his heart I suppose. Once the rider was prepared and taken to the hospital, they brought tarps and a tractor and pulled it away. The city kids will never be the same.

Friday night, another horse did almost the same thing, but it did die immediately. And it wasn't right out in the open like the first one.
Satuday while waiting in the make up arena, another horse, just dropped dead. I mean, one minute he was up and ready to show his stuff, and the next he was down and dead. An Aneurysm the vet said.

As we were leaving Saturday night the fog began to roll in and it was so creepy. Like something out of the Omen. So, very weird. Hope Death had a good time at the fair.

Carcass results

Well, Megan won the carcass show. Grand Champion. And she made two bucks a pound for her other champion Berkshire pig, and it weigh 259. Her's and Patrick's other pigs made a buck a pound. I wish I could find pork chops for a buck a pound, damn. Cheaper to eat our own. But I refuse to eat things we've raised. It's like cooking your dog. Eww.

Friday, August 11, 2006


Yesterday early, Megan won a first place trophy with FRANKIE THE SNITCH. They took first in her category. Patrick came in third twice. And boy you have never seen a worst sport. He was so pissed at that pig I'm surprised he didn't flip out in the ring and go gladiator on his ass. lol.
The reason he came in third both times (third out of ten other pigs, not so bad) was because the pig didn't want to walk around anymore, he wanted to go back to his pen and would walk over to the gate and stand there. No matter how much Patrick prodded him, threatened him, nudged him with his knee, that pig was having non of it. And after about ten minutes of that pig screaming and arguing and not moving, the judge gave up waiting for the idiot pig to show and gave him third.
Patrick, fumed all day. He is the biggest sore looser. Today he was a lot better. Or they say. I haven't seen him but once at 7 this morning. See, I became very ill at the fair last night. I came home with a massive case of Vertigo. Man, I haven't had an attack that bad in awhile.
I think it was a combo of watching the pigs going back and forth all day, fair food, and just being tired.
I'm finally feeling better and hopefully will be in tip top shape for the auction Saturday. We'll find out the score and winner of the CARCASS pig tomorrow.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Random Thoughts

Ok, who did King George piss off yesterday? Gas was 305 then every station around for four miles hiked it up at or around the same time 20 cents. I literally was sitting in line at one station ready to fill up at 3.05 when the stations across the street came out with the tall sticks and changed them to 3.25. The station I was at at least let us in line finish getting the 3.05 price.

The fair has begun. The six pigs were loaded up last night and took the long ride to the fair this morning. It feels so wrong that they won't be coming back home. And it does actually seem empty and quiet out there.
I'll miss Frankie the snitch. Ah well, hope they are good eaten'. Wrong, so wrong. This is why you shouldn't name your future food.

I'm watching the movie Mr. And Mrs Smith. A welcome change I suppose. Seeing that I've watched the same two movies all week thanks to the variety of cable. I've seen THE REF with Dennis Leary three times, and BLADE: TRINITY. Now, I'm not complaining because I really like both those movies. Especially Blade:trinity. Love me some Ryan Reynolds.

I want to know who actually thought of deep frying twinkies??
You just know it was late one night and a bunch of drunks were sitting around after a eating some meal of deep fried something and they were thinking...What could we deep fry night? Fries? Chicken? Turkey? How about a something sweet? I could really use something sweet, they all chimed in. And a box of twinkies were sitting on the counter. Seeing that twinkies have a shelf life of something like four hundred years anyhow, they stuck it on a stick, added some batter, and a carnival staple was born.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Label maker commercial

There is a commercial for some sort of label maker. It shows a birthday party with a bunch of kids. The cake is beautiful, but as each child takes a big bite of their cake, they spit it out.

They then show the mom making labels and putting them on identical containers with labels that now say SUGAR and SALT.

This reminded me of the time I made cookies for my kids. I had small kids maybe one, three and eight. I always had one on a chair, one on my hip and one doing something else to make me crazy.

I went to gather everything so I could measure and mix. I grabbed several Tupperware containers all containing ingrediants. I had flour, sugar, salt, butter and brown sugar. I mixed them all together, made the cookies and was about to put them in the oven. I then noticed my three year old making awful faces, accompanied by the spitting out of the cookie dough. Now, this has never happened, they never miss licking the spoons or beaters. I scooped up a finger full of dough and I too spit it out, gagging and choking it out into the garbage. How in the world could these cookies be so horrible? What was wrong with what ingredient? I back tracked, checking each one carefully. When I came to the brown sugar in the container I learned to my horror that it wasn’t brown sugar after all….it was powered brown gravy mix.

I had made gravy cookies! And let me tell ya…YOU DON’T EVER WANT TO TASTE GRAVY COOKIES.
Ben and Jerry should just stay away from that one, trust me.